Joyful Jottings

Walking...

2011-02-23T01:21:00.001-05:00

What we think, or what we know, or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do.
- John Ruskin

This was the quote at the top of my home page when I logged on tonight. I realize how often I put value on what I think or what I know or what I believe in; I hope I act in accordance and often.

A Valentine's Day Mini-Manifesto (i.e. "Mini-Festo")

2011-02-14T22:37:00.000-05:00

Nine and a half years ago I married the man I fell in love with. We went to a church, got dressed up, invited all our friends & family, and committed to a lifetime of intentional love. No one challenged us. Everyone was excited for us and celebrated with us. Love was abundant and our marriage was celebrated.

Legend has it that back in the early 200's CE Emperor Claudius II made a ruling to cancel all engagements and ban any weddings from taking place. His reason? He thought men didn't want to join in his misguided, violent military campaigns because they didn't want to leave families behind. Reportedly the priest Valentinus (or Valentine) rebelled by intentionally performing illegal marriages against the Emperor's ruling. Valentinus believed in love and believed in celebrating the decision to marry those who committed to loving each other.

I'm dedicating my Valentine's Day to everyone who speaks & acts out in love, especially when it's an act of defiance. I believe in the transformative power of love. I believe if Saint Valentine were alive today he'd be performing wedding ceremonies for same-sex and/or gender-nonconforming couples as fast as possible.

I also believe that Saint Valentine would be in good company when he insisted on celebrating love. Can anyone think of another popular historical figure who preached Love?

I'm proud to be a Christian. I'm proud to be an outspoken advocate of love. I'm proud to defy the world when it tries to prevent love from flourishing. God is Love. Love wins. Happy Valentines day, fellow rebels.

Where To Begin?

2009-06-10T12:42:00.003-04:00

I've been a stay-at-home mom for over 3 1/2 years. Part of the time I was employed but did the work from home. Prior to getting pregnant my jobs were diverse & hard to classify - mostly I was in service to communities via AmeriCorps, A*VISTA, or church programs, but almost always with non-profits.

Now my kids are old enough to easily leave with babysitters, and my older one will be in preschool starting this fall. I'm settled in my new house, my neighborhood, my psyche. I'm ready to branch out and find something to engage my creativity & abilities outside of just the home & kids.

The problem is that I don't know where to begin. I've had diverse experience and I have diverse interests & abilities, so I don't know how to categorize myself or narrow the field of what I might even look for.

In no particular order, I have experience and/or a passion for the following:

natural parenting
cooperatives
organic gardening/cooking/eating
community organizing
herbal medicine/natural health organizing as well as in practice
customer service
being a waitress
being a self-driven secretary, including writing/editing a monthly newsletter
natural pregnancy/labor/birth, including working with a midwife & doula, home birth, water birth, sharing birth stories, nurturing a community of women, dispelling fears
making my own baby food
knitting
making cards
political & social justice action
LGBTQ advocacy
writing, proofreading, editing
music - anything related to piano playing, singing and choirs
house & commercial cleaning, primarily with all natural/non-toxic cleaning products
the world of church & organized religion, primarily with CRC in the past and UCC now
working with/on a board of directors

I'm sure there are several other categories and I'm sure I'm not at all unique. Most people have diverse interests & abilities. My challenge is trying to narrow any of it into a field that I'm interested in actively looking toward for employment -- or even simply a creative engagement for myself. I don't know how to sell myself if I can't even focus on one area of my interest & ability. If I choose one field it forces me to pass by the others which I tend to be unwilling to do.

So what do YOU do? What tips do you, my friends & family, have for me? How did you narrow your field of interests & abilities to seek out something to keep you busy? Or did you wait for something to find you? I'm starting to become restless but I don't know where to begin.

Day After Inauguration

2009-01-21T22:10:00.000-05:00

I can't help but think about W...how must it feel to be him today? What a sense of relief...and probably some depression...and anxiety...and boredom? Can you imagine the psychological, emotional, physical letdown? To be President of the USA one day and the next day...to be a former President of the USA? And one who was (and is) highly despised. I have very little, if anything, positive to say about his administration but I can't help but think that he's only human too. It's got to be hard to be hated, and bid farewell with such relief that he's gone.

Written January 7, 2009...Posted June 16, 2010

2009-01-07T16:01:00.004-05:00

Something's going on and I can't figure it out. I'm having a very "Anne Lamott" time in life right now...so I'm trying to experience it through her humor & faith by listening. Maybe I'll even write stuff out and stick my note in my "God Box" or my glove box for the gnomes. If you don't know what I'm talking about you need to read Traveling Mercies, Plan B, and/or Grace Eventually.

But I notice that I keep trying to escape. With every moment I'm turning to distractions: movies, internet (especially Facebook), chocolate, coffee, wine or beer...all sorts of junk and busyness that I can easily justify but are only healthy in moderation if at all. I don't know where this is going to get me (or even if I'll post it at all...it's more of a journalistic "thinking as I write it out" kind of cathartic experiment) and I'm feeling the gravitational pull toward chocolate and a drink, but I'm going to go with it for a bit. Even though I should be planning/prepping dinner. But that's another symptom...I'm avoiding all my "normal," practical responsibilities too. I'm definitely trying to work something out. If only I could figure out what it is...

I'm reevaluating many of my assumptions and expectations, especially about houses. My soul is crying out for a little less pushing & hurrying, a little more space & time. I'm realizing that since moving back to Grand Rapids I've been more or less trying to recreate for my children the life I lived as a child in Grand Rapids. I had a great childhood, so this isn't a bad thing. However, I've failed myself in terms of really checking in and making sure it's what I truly WANT for the next phase of life. Do I want to re-live the last 30 years, but as the adult this time? I'm not sure. Ack - it just hit me - am I having a midlife crisis? Perhaps. But I feel that it's more of a realization that I could GET TO crisis if I don't slow down & check in before making a rushed & less honest decision.

I need some chickens. Or a goat. Definitely a compost pile and a place to grow things. A corner of property that's truly wild and beckons to me and the kiddos to explore, because there truly are things there to discover and NOT just manicured lawn. I don't actually want farm animals personally, but I'd like it if I had some neighbors who did. I'd like farms or open fields or forest (or desert?!) to be much closer to my home than malls & office buildings.

There are several things I love about being in a larger city again, but there's a spirit of wildness in me that cries for space. I may not literally need to live in a more rural place in order to feel peacefully at home here, but I'm going to explore that option.

What else might I be stuck about though? And how do I discover it? Must I fast from all my distractions?

Go East, Young Woman!

2008-11-13T22:09:00.003-05:00

I get stuck in routines that I think serve me nicely...and eventually realize that I'm going stir-crazy & desperately need something to change.

I've decided (a few months early) to make some resolutions. Well, one for now anyway.

I resolve to learn new things.

My first challenge is with an eastern focus. I started taking belly dancing classes two weeks ago. It's hard! But it's great for my body, I love the music of the middle and far east, and I'm meeting some great women. I also love the instructor, Laura, who is a friend of mine from about 7 years ago. If anyone reading this is in the GR area and interested in dance or yoga, check out the Armenta Studio. You'll love it!

The second challenge is to begin learning Hindi. My pragmatic, realist self thinks I'm nuts. But I've been fascinated with India (specifically) for several years and find the language to be incredibly beautiful - written and spoken! I'm still looking for practical applications for this challenge. I might consider sponsoring a child from India (through Children International or something) as one. Perhaps an older child, and I can practice writing to him or her. I'm also making plans to spend the summer of 2028 in India. I think it's realistic to expect that twenty years from now I might be comfortable enough with the language to converse with the locals, be able to afford the time and cost of the adventure, and LOVE having a memorable vacation with my husband of 27 years. But tonight I took the first step - I bought "Teach Yourself Hindi" - a complete kit with a book & two CDs.

Good-bye, ruts!

Yes I Can!

2008-11-04T13:54:00.002-05:00

My favorite moment of the day so far:

I was so nervous I'd make a stray mark...I had my baby in my left arm but tried to hold the ballot with my left hand anyway. Anson kept grabbing the sides of the little booth and trying to suck on it. I lowered my pen to fill the oval and felt my stomach simultaneously rise to my throat and sink to my gut - what butterflies! I've never, ever felt so excited & terrified about an election.

Please, God. Please, God. Please, God. Please, God. Please, God. Please God. Please.

Aahck! I Can't Take It Anymore!

2008-11-03T22:19:00.002-05:00

It's just too much. All of it. I'm SO excited and hopeful and terrified and anxious...not only for the election TOMORROW but also because we're scheduled to close on our house this week! Bah! I'm so overwhelmed with the intensity of emotions & impacts of events that I pretty much have to try to avoid anything & everyone - just to stay in my little bubble of deliberate semi-denial. Just enough denial to stay sane...but to be honest, it's not at all working. I can't function! I'm just waiting for two of the biggest things in my current life to culminate this week. And the sheer stress of the "what if?" is killing me!

But I'll just expect that by tomorrow night we'll be certain of an Obama presidency and by Friday we'll have money in the bank and no more financial ties to New Mexico.

And I'll pray for it.

Who Messed Up?

2008-10-19T19:00:00.002-04:00

"I love being the underdog. You know, every time that I've gotten ahead, somehow I've messed it up," the Republican candidate said. (Full article here.)

Yikes! Does that sound like something you want the next U.S. President to say? Wouldn't actually gaining the presidency be considered "getting ahead?" Seems like the kind of comment an opponent or the media might make, but anyone with any sense of the power of words wouldn't make about himself. Yikes, John.

Oooh!

2008-10-15T23:55:00.001-04:00

I just passed a gas station with unleaded regular at $2.99 and it STILL seems expensive. But it's nice that the "2" got to come back out of the box it's been in for however long.

Obama Video

2008-10-07T16:35:00.002-04:00

Part of Obama's closing comments to us on Thursday morning.

"I need you to believe. Believe in yourself. Believe in a future that we can build together. Because together we cannot fail."

Obama Marathon

2008-10-07T12:26:00.013-04:00

No grumpy people...despite the fact that you and everyone near you was awake at 5:30AM. Currently 6:50AM. I'll give you the "play-by-play" of my morning, but this was my first picture. I woke up just after 5:30AM thanks to my husband. I'm not a morning person, but I was determined to get downtown well before the gates opened at 7:30AM. I'd been warned that parking might be a challenge, so I opted to take the bus. Yay for public transportation! (Side note: several of the Grand Rapids city buses are hybrid-electric too...way to go, GR) I caught my first bus a few blocks from home at 6:15AM and was in line by 6:45AM.

The stage & stands around 8AM after we'd been let in. There were several large metal detectors like they have at airports for us to walk through. I was impressed at how thorough the security was - and grateful for it as well.

The Calder stabile and the cloudy gray sky. It was a chilly, dark morning.

Swarms of Obama fans...as one girl near me exclaimed: "There are SO many people here and we're SO close...I'm SO glad I'm not them!" Amazingly, none of them were grumpy. You'd think they only let in the happy people. :)

See? Told you I was there. Proudly sporting my "Vote Hope" button.

Close-up of a sniper

Long shot of a sniper - same one as previous picture

Case of a sniper rifle atop a nearby building

Can you see him? Yup. Sniper on the bank building. They were staked out all over the place. As I said, thorough. Grateful.

The stands after they filled up with a diverse selection of Grand Rapidians. The man and woman near the right side of the picture with their hands on their hearts are Joel & Rachel W. I was at their house a few weeks ago for a MoveOn.org party to watch Obama's DNC acceptance speech. They're neat people - and when I spotted them up in the stands I had to nab a photo for them with the banner in the background.

Michael Sak hyped the crowd pre-Obama just like he did pre-Hillary. Michael Sak goes yak-yak-yak and the crowd grows restless...9:25AM

And the crowd goes wild! Obama takes the pulpit...I mean podium...around 9:45

That darn light - I'll spend the rest of his speech trying to get a good photo somehow. I'm not sure if they would have had the lights up if it were a sunny day, but I'm sure it was so he'd look extra nice for TV.

"Vote Change - Judge Hathaway for Supreme Court"

Smart advertising, however, really annoying to have a plane buzzing & circling during Obama's entire speech. Would have been more effective & less irritating to buzz around in the 30-60 minutes BEFORE Obama took the stage when we were all anxious for something to pay attention to other that the people trying to edge their way closer to "meet up with their friends" or the people (happily - not grumpily) elbowing each other to grab signs...

The light really wreaked havoc w/ my photos...but I'll find a way.

Peeking between two tall young men worked pretty well to block the light. The two young men were, by the way, ADORABLE. And one of the sweetest couples I saw that day.

Obama with a light halo

Ask me about Barack

I think Obama was more serious during this speech than I've seen him yet. I'm sure he was really tired, so that could be part of it. The first time I saw him smile was mid-to-late in the speech when he said, "If I'm President..." and paused, and the crowd filled in with chants of "When! When! When!" Barack grinned & shook his head.

He didn't have the same charming charisma I've seen in other speeches, but he was really effective. Of course he focused specifically on Michigan issues & values, so it hit home.

Yup - the light still makes it difficult. Here was my view without zoom...well, if not my view then the view of my camera with arm extended up above my head anyway.

That's ALMOST a smile

Change We Need, indeed, my friends

Whistle while you work...whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo (and the John Calvin posture?!)

Getting serious with TWO fingers pointing

You there...stop taking pictures while I'm trying to talk. It's distracting.

Aren't they so darn cute? I was a little annoyed b/c they often blocked my view, but they were so tenderly attentive to each other AND Obama that I couldn't help appreciate them. I should have talked to them - they seemed really kind. But I'm sort of lame - it's easy for me to quietly observe and suppose without actually engaging anyone in conversation. I'm sure I miss out on meeting lots of great people because of this tendency. Dang.

"I need you to believe"

Something about this defining moment...most important election...you need to vote...something something something. Unfortunately I didn't absorb what he said as well as I do when I'm not seeing him live...the hype & energy & fun of it somewhat distracted me from the message. Granted, he repeated much of the same stuff I've heard already, but I feel a little bad admitting that I didn't really get much out of what he said on this particular occasion.

Thanks, folks! Now go eat some lunch & take a nap b/c you all need it.

And just as he made his closing comments, the sun finally broke through the clouds. It was like clerical "Divine Intervention" in the Steve Jackson game Munchkin. You go up a level for seeing Barack.

Shaking hands - when face to face with supporters he never STOPPED beaming. I couldn't get quite close enough, but managed to snap a photo between the raised cameras & phones & hands.

I saw a family friend there with her granddaughter.

La Grande Vitesse

Waiting for the bus on the return trip home... My first bus directly from downtown was crammed, and I had to run to catch it. Then I had to transfer to a different route to get closer to home, and this was my stop to wait. The trees were beautiful and the sun was out at this point, so it was really nice. I wouldn't have minded waiting longer than I did. I also gobbled down a Luna bar b/c I hadn't eaten anything since a banana at 5:45AM & granola bar at 7:30AM - and by this time it was 11:15AM - I was hungry!

It was very much worth the time & tiredness to attend, but I'm embarrassed to admit that my feet, knees, calves and back were all sore for about 4 days following. It's tiring to stand from 6:15AM till 11:30AM without a break or a place to sit or even room to stretch! Kinda made me feel old...

Hill

2008-09-29T10:24:00.004-04:00

I went to see Hillary Clinton on Saturday. It was an outdoor event (somehow I missed THAT fine print & ended up with a very lopsided sunburn) at Central High School, and it was pretty fun.

Michael Sak introduced things, and I remembered him from 7 years ago when he was running for a local office and I was an AmeriCorps member with Creston Neighborhood Association.

We were given signs. Mine's in my car window now.

The crowd, anxiously awaiting the arrival of the main speaker - Hill.

I felt a little out of it a few times b/c it was clear that many (most?) of the people there had been Hillary supporters before Obama became the nominee. I wasn't. I didn't love Hillary compared to Barack, and I certainly didn't vote for her in the primary. But it was high energy on Saturday, lots of hype and suspense, and Hillary really is charming and eloquent.

At one point, she said: "I realize I'm preaching to the choir here." And followed it up with my favorite (and one of the more memorable, for me) lines yet: "Now I need you to go out there and be the choir - go sing this song to your friends & neighbors & everyone you meet." Creative - and inspiring - metaphor.

But now, on to the main event. I just got an email about Barack Obama coming on Thursday - and I aim to be just as close for photo ops there. :) Check back Friday for pictures!

Blog Update

2008-09-16T16:47:00.000-04:00

Just in case anyone reading this didn't get the memo...the avenue for personal life anecdotes, baby milestones, and everyday goings-on will now be documented via the Lange Livin' & Lovin' blog.

A Nugget of Gratitude and Schmaltz

2008-09-15T09:36:00.003-04:00

I enjoy church. I hear the statistics about the low percentage of twenty- and thirty-somethings who attend, and I understand their resistance. I've been there, too. But the habit of attending a church regularly, the music & ritual of it, the fellowship & stale cookies of it, is so familiar & wonderful that I can't help but desire it.

And now, for the first time in my adult life, we have found a church that I feel really excited about attending every week. So excited about it, in fact, that when we can't attend for some reason I actually feel like I'm missing out and want to know what I missed - what if that was the sermon that would have changed my spirit in a meaningful way?

I've loved other churches too - so, friends & family reading this who were members with me at any time in the past, don't feel slighted. But the church we've found here in GR has, I think, ALL of the things we sought: a choir & developed music program, a well-equipped nursery & education system for the little ones, the consciousness about social justice and environmental stewardship that we strive for, the celebrative acceptance of diversity, the insightful & spiritually stirring sermons (spiced with wit and humor)...I could go on.

However, even though Simon is gleefully occupied during the service, Anson is a squirmy and sometimes chatty (as only he can be) almost four-month-old, and certainly provides a level of distraction that competes with my determined attentive worshipfulness. I know the sermons are good, but I rarely hear & register the whole thing.

Long ago, I learned to seek nuggets. Nuggets of truth and joy and inspiration. I didn't realize till we were driving away from church yesterday that it was another "nugget" day. I don't remember what the sermon was about, and I think we were less than devout during the communion, but I took home a nugget I didn't expect. It was a frequently (but indirectly) repeated nugget about "home."

In the announcements we heard about how several families had lived in the church basement all week as part of our agreement in the Interfaith Hospitality Network (IHN) and could a few people grab some bags of laundry to wash & return?

In a prayer the pastor prayed for people who don't have a home to return to - like hurricane victims.

In the sharing/caring prayer requests, a woman asked for prayer on behalf of everyone who was struggling with unemployment, mortgage burdens, etc. in this difficult economic/housing situation.

And I thought, "Oh, that's us." But then I realized that we DO have a home to return to. We aren't homeless or without resources & support. We don't have to live in a different church basement every week with volunteer congregants washing our bedding. And I felt ashamed of my attitude.

It IS hard to have a baby and then move right away. It's contrary to the "nesting" instinct of a mother. It IS hard to live across the country from the house we're paying a mortgage on, and it IS hard to feel stuck about buying a new, settled home till that one sells. It IS hard to realize that we don't have control over someone buying the house. It IS hard to job hunt, especially when you're trying to transition from one field of work to another. Yes, there are several challenges in our situation.

However, the nugget I took home from church yesterday was a nugget of contentedness. I felt humbled by my wealth - of support, family, education, opportunity. I could count my blessings here for you, but you know what they are - and could probably count a similar list of blessings in your life.

And even though it's legitimate for me to acknowledge the difficulty of being so unsettled, I'm not living in church basements or sports arenas or refugee camps like so many people all across the country & world. I even have a reliable phone, a mailing address (if temporary, at least it works to reach us) and the internet. Hoo, boy! I'm spoiled!

Thank you, God, for the nugget. I needed a little perspective & awareness about my situation. I'd been starting to feel like it was too bleak to tolerate - but what was I thinking? I'm blessed and blessed and blessed.

And before I sign off, I have to throw in here a little pause for gratitude toward my spouse. One of the major personality/temperament differences between us is that I am constantly striving for the next tier of excellence and he is more regularly content with the present. This causes some dramatic conflicts between us. Yesterday as my heart & soul shifted to a more humble, grateful tier, I realized that I was feeling a little more like Adam. Content. And humbled to realize that sometimes he might be right. Sometimes it's better to simply, contentedly, stay where you are.

Thank You, Fareed Zakaria

2008-09-12T22:48:00.002-04:00

Read the entire article here: Obama Abroad

"In the end, the difference between Obama and McCain might come down to something beyond ideology—temperament. McCain is a pessimist about the world, seeing it as a dark, dangerous place where, without the constant and vigorous application of American force, evil will triumph. Obama sees a world that is in many ways going our way. As nations develop, they become more modern and enmeshed in the international economic and political system. To him, countries like Iran and North Korea are holdouts against the tide of history. America's job is to push these progressive forces forward, using soft power more than hard, and to try to get the world's major powers to solve the world's major problems. Call him an Optimistic Realist, or a Realistic Optimist. But don't call him naive."

Checking In

2008-09-12T16:47:00.003-04:00

Just in case anyone reading this didn't get the memo...the avenue for personal life anecdotes, baby milestones, and everyday goings-on will now be documented via the Lange Livin' & Lovin' blog. This blog will be for more depth of subject - generally more difficult subjects like religion, personal faith, politics and core values. I can't guarantee there will be an essay format or clarity to these jottings - it's still just a blog, after all, and I do some of my best thinking as I write. But the subject matter at hand, at least, won't be trivial.

President Obama

2008-09-12T16:00:00.000-04:00

Barack Obama will be the next President of the USA, thus transforming our country from the bottom-up and the top-down as well as transforming the world. How's that for a thesis? Except this won't be an essay. Just an incomplete list of reasons (outside of issues) why I'll vote for Barack Hussein Obama in November:

1. Our global image - "President Obama" sounds like a name from another place. I know that the USA is a diverse country, but looking at our nation's leaders you wouldn't know it. And where else would you have a George Bush for president? Only here in WASP country.
2. The transformation - grassroots organizers, poor black kids in Chicago, the White House - we are transformed by the way the campaign is being run: the hope, the image, the opportunity.
3. The direction & attitude from the White House - I really believe that Obama's approach is one that works, for our country and internationally. I served as an AmeriCorps member for two years and an AmeriCorps VISTA for one, so I have some experience with community organizing. Done well, I think it's the only way for democracy to truly work.
4. The expectations - as a result of this election, there are more registered voters than ever before (probably true of every election, but dramatically more this time). Also, there's less skepticism about voting mattering at all; instead there is the sense of a greater impact with even a single vote, as well as smaller, typically non-battleground states mattering more. As a result, voters and states overall have a justified expectation that more value is being placed on them - suddenly no one feels taken for granted.

I'm sure there are more...these are just off the top of my head for now.

McCain's Dangerous Choice

2008-08-30T15:08:00.002-04:00

Not that it was a tough choice for me between Obama & McCain, but thanks, MoveOn.org for writing the following to validate my choice when it comes to including the Veep factor:

Dear MoveOn member,

Yesterday was John McCain's 72nd birthday. If elected, he'd be the oldest president ever inaugurated. And after months of slamming Barack Obama for "inexperience," here's who John McCain has chosen to be one heartbeat away from the presidency: a right-wing religious conservative with no foreign policy experience, who until recently was mayor of a town of 9,000 people.

Huh?

Who is Sarah Palin? Here's some basic background:

She was elected Alaska's governor a little over a year and a half ago. Her previous office was mayor of Wasilla, a small town outside Anchorage. She has no foreign policy experience.¹
Palin is strongly anti-choice, opposing abortion even in the case of rape or incest.²
She supported right-wing extremist Pat Buchanan for president in 2000. ³
Palin thinks creationism should be taught in public schools.⁴
She's doesn't think humans are the cause of climate change.⁵
She's solidly in line with John McCain's "Big Oil first" energy policy. She's pushed hard for more oil drilling and says renewables won't be ready for years. She also sued the Bush administration for listing polar bears as an endangered species—she was worried it would interfere with more oil drilling in Alaska.⁶
How closely did John McCain vet this choice? He met Sarah Palin once at a meeting. They spoke a second time, last Sunday, when he called her about being vice-president. Then he offered her the position.⁷

This is information the American people need to see. Please take a moment to forward this email to your friends and family.

We also asked Alaska MoveOn members what the rest of us should know about their governor. The response was striking. Here's a sample:

She is really just a mayor from a small town outside Anchorage who has been a governor for only 1.5 years, and has ZERO national and international experience. I shudder to think that she could be the person taking that 3AM call on the White House hotline, and the one who could potentially be charged with leading the US in the volatile international scene that exists today. —Rose M., Fairbanks, AK

She is VERY, VERY conservative, and far from perfect. She's a hunter and fisherwoman, but votes against the environment again and again. She ran on ethics reform, but is currently under investigation for several charges involving hiring and firing of state officials. She has NO experience beyond Alaska. —Christine B., Denali Park, AK

As an Alaskan and a feminist, I am beyond words at this announcement. Palin is not a feminist, and she is not the reformer she claims to be. —Karen L., Anchorage, AK

Alaskans, collectively, are just as stunned as the rest of the nation. She is doing well running our State, but is totally inexperienced on the national level, and very much unequipped to run the nation, if it came to that. She is as far right as one can get, which has already been communicated on the news. In our office of thirty employees (dems, republicans, and nonpartisans), not one person feels she is ready for the V.P. position.—Sherry C., Anchorage, AK

She's vehemently anti-choice and doesn't care about protecting our natural resources, even though she has worked as a fisherman. McCain chose her to pick up the Hillary voters, but Palin is no Hillary. —Marina L., Juneau, AK

I think she's far too inexperienced to be in this position. I'm all for a woman in the White House, but not one who hasn't done anything to deserve it. There are far many other women who have worked their way up and have much more experience that would have been better choices. This is a patronizing decision on John McCain's part- and insulting to females everywhere that he would assume he'll get our vote by putting "A Woman" in that position.—Jennifer M., Anchorage, AK

So Governor Palin is a staunch anti-choice religious conservative. She's a global warming denier who shares John McCain's commitment to Big Oil. And she's dramatically inexperienced.

In picking Sarah Palin, John McCain has made the religious right very happy. And he's made a very dangerous decision for our country.

In the next few days, many Americans will be wondering what McCain's vice-presidential choice means. Please pass this information along to your friends and family.

Thanks for all you do.

–Ilyse, Noah, Justin, Karin and the rest of the team

Sources:

1. "Sarah Palin," Wikipedia, Accessed August 29, 2008
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sarah_Palin

2. "McCain Selects Anti-Choice Sarah Palin as Running Mate," NARAL Pro-Choice America, August 29, 2008
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=17515&id=13661-5894426-Li357Yx&t=1

3. "Sarah Palin, Buchananite," The Nation, August 29, 2008
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=17736&id=13661-5894426-Li357Yx&t=2

4. "'Creation science' enters the race," Anchorage Daily News, October 27, 2006
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=17737&id=13661-5894426-Li357Yx&t=3

5. "Palin buys climate denial PR spin—ignores science," Huffington Post, August 29, 2008
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=17517&id=13661-5894426-Li357Yx&t=4

6. "McCain VP Pick Completes Shift to Bush Energy Policy," Sierra Club, August 29, 2008
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=17518&id=13661-5894426-Li357Yx&t=5

"Choice of Palin Promises Failed Energy Policies of the Past," League of Conservation Voters, August 29, 2008
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=17519&id=13661-5894426-Li357Yx&t=6

"Protecting polar bears gets in way of drilling for oil, says governor," The Times of London, May 23, 2008
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=17520&id=13661-5894426-Li357Yx&t=7

7 "McCain met Palin once before yesterday," MSNBC, August 29, 2008
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=21119&id=13661-5894426-Li357Yx&t=8

Want to support our work? We're entirely funded by our 3.2 million members—no corporate contributions, no big checks from CEOs. And our tiny staff ensures that small contributions go a long way. Chip in here.

PAID FOR BY MOVEON.ORG POLITICAL ACTION, http://pol.moveon.org/. Not authorized by any candidate or candidate's committee. This email was sent to Bethany Joy Lange on August 30, 2008. To change your email address or update your contact info, click here. To remove yourself from this list, click here.

The DNC Hero

2008-08-29T00:26:00.002-04:00

Tonight I heard & saw Barack Obama speak for the first time. I've heard blips on the radio & read things online, but this was the first time I've been able to see him give a speech. I've done my homework and I have so many reasons behind why I choose to support him, but tonight it's all emotional/gut reaction: he truly convinces me that things can be better. He truly inspires hope. That's almost enough just by itself.

Catching Up, A Bit

2008-08-23T15:57:00.004-04:00

It's been over 2 months since I've written. In that time, the following have occurred:

We moved from Silver City, New Mexico to Grand Rapids, Michigan with our two cats, two little boys, and all our stuff. Mom, Dad & a sister came (indispensably) to help.
Anson Emory has lived 2/3 of his life thus far.
Simon Gerard got his first (and second) haircut.
Our house got back on the market because our buyer fell through.
We've spent lots of time with family.
I got bright blue streaks dyed into my hair for the second time ever, and realized that I'm NOT a teen-ager or a funky 20-something anymore. I'm a late-twenties mother of two who looks ridiculous with blue hair.
I've thought out hundreds of blog entries worth of stories & observations, but written none of them, and now feel too overwhelmed to backtrack 2 months and play catch-up.

Media Challenge

2008-06-18T13:12:00.004-04:00

I would like to stop hearing about the economy and possible/probable/current/impending recession, if you please.

Living in a small town where the economy is slow most of the time, it's easy to feel cut off from the rest of the country about things like the busting house market and such. We put our house on the market and sold it within 2-3 months this spring. Also, we sold it for nearly 2x what we bought it for just 3 years ago.

And my husband has been self-employed as a tile contractor for 3+ years here as well. There were certainly times that we started to talk about finding him a job with more reliable work & income, but mostly it served us quite well. There was the added factor of lack of jobs here - not due to any factories closing or lay-offs, but just b/c it's a small town and there are only so many possible employers no matter what your skill set.

And a great part-time job found me about a year and a half ago that I was able to do from home so I could still be here with my son. I only quit because I was 9 months pregnant and about to move across the country.

But I'm a faithful subscriber/reader of Newsweek and listener of NPR. Most of the time I'm grateful for them. When my most recent issue of Newsweek came and I saw the cover: "A Different Kind of RECESSION," I wanted to throw it away without reading it. Seems like every issue has had several comments about the economy and how things are slowing down and how bad it'll get before it gets better. Seems like there's also too much focus on the energy/oil/foreign dependence/environmental impact discussion as well, which gets equally discouraging to read about.

On the continuum of optimism to pessimism, I'd certainly fall more to the pessimists. I like to think of myself as a pragmatist, or a realist. Unfortunately, most of the time that results in pessimism. I don't need to read any more about the recession...especially as we're about to move back to one of the states that's been hit really hard by it.

Granted, we're not moving to the Detroit area or to look for jobs in the auto industry, which are the hardest hit. And because of the housing market being what it is, it's actually going to work in our favor if anything - so many houses are for sale (or in foreclosure) that we'll probably be able to buy a much nicer home than we otherwise could afford.

But I get paranoid about not finding jobs. And my body holds onto the stress I feel when I think about the economy. There's not-unfounded fear about being able to get a loan to buy a home again, even though we're leaving here much better off than we came.

I've noticed that, for the most part, people don't talk about what everyone's thinking about. With the exception of comments about the weather and the gas prices, people don't pass each other on the street talking about our oil dependence or the presidential election or the melting ice caps or the recession. Maybe we all share a collective spirit of denial, or maybe when we're in community we tend to try to be optimists even when we're pessimists while alone with our thoughts and magazines.

I've also noticed that, like with so many things, talking/acting/worrying about something will result in the manifestation of exactly that thing. I think people, as individuals but even more so in community, have so much more power than they realize to create a certain reality. When we moved here, we had no objective reasons to be optimistic about finding jobs or friends or a house, and yet everything worked out better than we could have ever expected. When I got pregnant (both times), we deliberately did NOT put any energy or attention into thinking what might go wrong, and I had two healthy, relatively easy pregnancies & births. When we started talking about looking to buy a home 3 1/2 years ago, we stayed positive in our expectations and found a really wonderful first home that we'll be a little sad to leave in two weeks. I could go on.

I'm not saying that anyone who has fears will automatically manifest negative results, or that our optimism actually caused the positive results we experienced, but I do think there's a power to the energy we put out. If for no other reason than because we see what we're looking for. If I expect positive, I'll see the good. If I fear the worst, I'll find it, like any other self-fulfilling-prophecy.

This brings me back to the recession discussion. The more the media injects fear into us through their coverage of our economic troubles as a country, the more they are assisting in the creation of that which they cover. The more that people read about the recession and depressed economy, the more we get depressed and act as though we are in a great Depression, and the more the economy is affected by our depression.

So I challenge the media to realize its power, and for individuals & communities to realize what we can manifest. I'm not a Pollyanna (although my best friend is), but I genuinely believe that a pragmatic/realistic approach is too cynical most of the time. We can create beauty and strength and abundance through our expectations of such. We WILL create depression and cynicism and a receding economy through our expectations as well.

So, Newsweek and NPR and all the rest that I don't read/hear but I know are out there preaching similar news: no more about the recession, if you please. Tell us what we are doing well, what we can do more of, how we're learning from our mistakes. Spin things to be true in a slightly more positive light. People are more motivated by humor and a positive approach than we are by bleakness and cynicism. Granted, fear works, but not in the ways you intend or with any lasting growth or improvement involved. Inform us, motivate us, tell us the state of things. But if you're going to spin it, and we all know you will because no one is impartial, spin it toward the light instead of the dark.

Do I sound naive? Call it the audacity of Hope...

Father's Day

2008-06-14T17:51:00.002-04:00

Happy Father's Day to the father of my boys. I love you!

Adam and his little guys

We Love Uncle Tyler

2008-06-06T22:30:00.002-04:00

Tyler was out of town when Anson was born, but as soon as he had a spare minute he came over to meet Anson and play with his favorite godson, Simon.

Family

2008-06-06T22:26:00.002-04:00

The Lange family has a break for ice cream cones

Momma, baby, and big brother

Our first posed family picture with all four of us

Three generations - my mom, me, my kids

My Brain: A Snapshot

2008-05-24T00:06:00.004-04:00

Contrary to how it may seem after that last post, the top things in my mind/energy/focus right now are not limited to my family and new-baby adjusting. Here's the rest of the list:

Our house and the fact that we got an offer...that I think we're going to accept
Barack Obama and the Presidential Election (blog post in process about this)
Mom coming on Sunday to visit for a week
Tyler coming home on Sunday or Monday
Moving to Grand Rapids in just 5 short weeks

Babies and Mercy and Humankind and Me

2008-05-23T22:27:00.004-04:00

The last few days have been a shock to the system. I don't mean for this blog to turn into too much yakking about kids b/c I set up blogs for Simon & Anson specifically to keep it channeled to the individual (although at some point I might end up merging things...we'll see), but I guess I get to make the rules here since it's my blog, so I'll stop prefacing and disclaiming. :)

Having kid #2 is nothing like having kid #1. When I got pregnant the first time, I knew that I didn't know anything about being pregnant, giving birth, or raising a child - other than whatever came intuitively from the Mama-Feminine intuition that courses through the veins of every woman. I didn't make the mistake of reading too much or accepting too much advice, but I went to birth classes & paid close attention to every sensation & shift in my body, emotions & mind. When I got pregnant the second time, I felt like I knew what to expect because I'd done it before. In a sense, this is true.

But from early in my first trimester I realized it wasn't going to be the same...even though throughout the entire pregnancy (and STILL) I have this feeling of self-expectation. "I should know how to do this. I shouldn't be surprised by this. I should be able to let that go/deal with that/accept what comes/etc."

Should has been a word that's cursed me my entire life. I come from a quasi-conservative Christian family with high moral standards, education, opportunity, and encouragement. All my life I've had high expectations of myself and felt that much was expected of me by my family & community - not in a heavy-handed-parent way (as if they'd disown me if I didn't get all A's in school or anything) but in a sincere "we know you're capable of a lot and are disappointed when you don't try very hard to do the best you can" kind of way. This is a good thing to feel from parents, I've decided. But as a young person I was prone to distorting it into a negative thing...that there were all these things I "should" be and do and avoid, and if I didn't I was dropping the ball & letting everyone down. This is probably not at all uncommon.

Now, even in my pregnancies and other adult-life-situations, I can't seem to shake that negative "should."

But I digress a bit too much. This pregnancy I thought I knew what to expect - of myself and of the experience. I was wrong. It was different, and I wasn't prepared for it to be so. I kept making excuses "it's just b/c I didn't have a 2-year-old the last time" or "it's because we weren't simultaneously packing to move across country last time" or "it's because our house wasn't on the market last time." But even though those were all significant differences in my experience, none of them were the core of it. The core of it was just that I was different, I had expectations this time, and I wasn't as open to the experience being its own and brand new.

Oops.

During labor I was highly uncooperative. It all worked out, obviously, but again I think I had the pre-labor assumption that I could do it and I knew how, and I didn't open myself mentally/emotionally for it to be something different. And since Anson's joined us in the outside world, my system continues to be shocked with the re-realization that I can't know what to expect.

This brings me to the beginning: the last few days have been a shock to the system. Not only am I constantly saying to myself (and to Adam), "oh yeah, that's what it means to have a baby" but I'm trying to navigate this brand new territory of having an older child with a baby to adjust to himself. Adam and I no longer outnumber our offspring, so it requires more communication & teamwork to make sure both kids are responded to appropriately.

I have subscribed to The Sun Magazine for several years now. In the most recent issue, there was an entry in "Sy Safransky's Notebook" (the editor's jottings in the back of each issue) that gave me hope and helped me forgive myself a little bit. I tend to have a much easier time forgiving others and the world and larger other-than-myself things, but I am hard on me. Here's the excerpt:

ADMITTEDLY HUMANS AREN’T doing so well. But put any other mammal behind the wheel of a shiny new Cadillac, 440 horses under the hood, and see if it does any better. Would a chimpanzee willingly relinquish the keys just because he’d been forced to sit through a PowerPoint presentation on global warming by Al Gore? So let’s show a little compassion for our not-so-evolved species. I mean, how many millennia did it take Homo sapiens to harness fire, or plant crops, or invent the wheel? The Industrial Revolution didn’t begin until the eighteenth century. Is it any surprise that it’s taking us a while to clean up the mess? How long does it take any of us to learn from our bad decisions and failed relationships and lousy habits we can’t seem to break? Yes, the planet is getting hotter. But even if we were crowded together on a slow boat to hell, wouldn’t we want to extend some mercy to our fellow passengers?

I realize that this has nothing to do with little insignificant me, but somehow it helps to think that our entire species isn't as evolved as it could be, and about much bigger things than expectations of ourselves as individuals. It frees me in a way - it doesn't eliminate my feeling that I need to be responsible for myself, my expectations, own my experiences, etc, but it does help me feel like maybe some of my "fellow passengers" will extend me some mercy...maybe even enough that it will allow me to show it to myself and let go of some of the unrealistic expectations.

That all said, here are a few pictures of my family at present. These guys are the source of my greatest struggles & joys, challenges & opportunities, discernment & intention.

LL Bean

2008-05-18T23:43:00.001-04:00

Several weeks ago Adam & I started referring to our unborn baby as "LL Bean." We figured he's a little bean in there, and the LL was for "Little Lange." We were surprised with LL Bean's early arrival yesterday morning - so we welcome our Anson Emory!

About 3 hours old

Anson the burrito baby with sleepy & proud Daddy

After a late, sleepy Sunday morning. Adam let us sleep while he hung out w/ big brother Simon.

This afternoon - Anson just over a day old

For more on the little guy as he grows & as we photo-document him, check him out at Anson Emory.

My Buddy

2008-04-23T23:08:00.002-04:00

Simon is at an age where he loves to help...with everything...to a fault, at times. As often as safely & feasibly possible, I let him. No one ever got hurt folding laundry, so I let him help me with that pretty much every time. Sometimes it ends up all over the floor, sometimes he hands me one thing at a time to fold, sometimes he attempts to fold it himself & add it to my pile of "done" stuff, and today he helped in a different way.

I did reach down & pretend to fold him up - his arms across his chest & everything - and he just smiled and let me "pose" him. Silly kid.

After a busy day and a nap, Simon was a snuggle puppy. He was very proud to be wearing his new "purple diaper underpants" which are like a cloth version of pull-ups. They're basically a step between regular diapers and the trainers good for later in the potty-training process (wet only). I LOVE moments like this when he's snuggly & happy & calm, because I can't get him to stay on my lap much these days...primarily b/c I don't have much of a lap, but also because he's usually so busy that it's hard to keep him in one place for more than a few seconds. But we had a good long happy snuggle today before dinner. Happy mommy moment for me. :)

Birthday Gathering

2008-04-17T20:13:00.001-04:00

Our good friends, Rob & Tyler, have birthdays a day apart (but not the same year.) It was a "big" birthday for Rob this year, and I think Tyler forgot that maybe he wanted to do something for his own birthday too. So he cooked dinner and invited some friends over. A few had to leave before the cameras came out, but here are those of us who stayed for some post-dinner Apples To Apples.

Tyler & Rob

Me & Adam

Erik

Tyler being the Judge of our apples. And the beer bottles remind me - if you know these guys, ask them to sing you the "XX" (Dos Equis) song.

Friends

2008-04-17T18:51:00.000-04:00

I am grateful for friends - even when they only come through my life for a short time. Here are a few recent ones I love & cherish:

Mikela

Cherie

Mikela & Cherie were good friends a few years ago when we were all studying herbal medicine together at the (now closed) New Mexico College of Natural Healing. We had about a year together, and most of the students scattered to do the next step in their journey. We happened to stay. Cherie & Mikela came through town briefly in late 2005 and stopped by our home the day after Simon was born. Then, just a week or two ago, I got an email saying that they were coming through again. We met up with them for about an hour at a little diner restaurant, ate some Mexican food, and hugged farewell again. I am so thankful for the strength & beauty of these women - and for the fact that we have been able to re-connect face-to-face every now & then, even for just an hour.

Erik

Erik came to town for three weeks for work. We met him late in his first week here, so we really only had 2 weeks together. But we clicked really well and very quickly, and spent the rest of his time here together as much as possible. We watched movies, went to see some live bluegrass, walked downtown, cooked & ordered take-out & ate out together, and chatted a lot. I love meeting new people & making new friends, and I especially love it when the friendship happens so quickly & smoothly that we feel as though we've known each other for much longer than we have. Adam & I both kept feeling disappointed that Erik didn't live here, but then realizing it wouldn't matter anyway since in another 2 months we'll be gone too. But boy are we glad the stars aligned so that Erik came through lovely little Silver City AFTER our house was on the market & relatively easy to keep clean & empty, and BEFORE we left town. I can't imagine what we'd all have been missing if we hadn't met and become fast friends. Gotta love this amazing, fabulous guy!

Gila Picnic

2008-04-17T18:50:00.000-04:00

We're attempting to make the most of the few weeks we have left here in Silver City. One recent weekend, after our house was about as empty & spotless as it can be while we still live in it, we decided to take a day off & have a picnic & a walk in the Gila Wilderness. We drove just about 15 minutes and found a picnic area, spread out a few blankets, make-shifted sun protection as necessary (Adam forgot a hat, so he wore Simon's shirt) and enjoyed the spread. Then we went for as long a walk as (8-month-pregnant) I could handle. It was sunny & warm & beautiful - and boy, am I going to miss the smell of hot dust and juniper and the warm vanilla-syrupy smell of the Ponderosa Pines.

The Witching Hour

2008-04-15T04:48:00.002-04:00

If you believe in angels & demons, then supposedly 3PM is the angels' time, and 3AM is that of the demons - also known as the witching hour.

I'm not sure what I think about that, but I know that it's almost 3AM and I feel a little haunted. Not by ghosts or demons, but by loneliness, sadness, helplessness, frustration.

It's hard to be just 5 weeks from my estimated due date for this second pregnancy and to so badly want to just hang out with my beloved 2-year old. I feel too sore & tired & heavy most of the time to do the things that Simon and I normally do, and I feel guilty for telling him "no" simply due to pregnancy-related things. I feel like a bit of a prisoner in my own home, and yet Simon (and I) get stir-crazy just sitting home every day. But when I go out and about with him, it physically exhausts me so quickly that I wonder if it isn't better to just stay home. Tomorrow is supposed to be park day, but the friends we usually hang out with aren't going to be there and the unpredictability of who might or might not also be there is making me feel like I don't know if I can handle going. And then I feel stuck & bored & sad at the idea of just staying home all day - and keeping Simon here.

Oh...the witching hour has me in it's grasp tonight. I feel so alone and frustrated...and yet I know that it could just as easily be hormonally-induced "witching."

Times like these are when I fantasize about living closer to family.

Bad Timing?

2008-04-03T00:43:00.003-04:00

Our house is on the market. Whew!

I gotta tell you, even though it may be very obvious to everyone BUT me: if you're going to try to sell your house & move across the country, do NOT plan on moving 5 weeks after you are due to give birth to a baby. At least not if your spouse is working full time AND attempting to be a good full-time student for an online university. AND when you have a very busy 2-year-old.

I've got 65 boxes packed, labled, and stacked in the basement ready to go. The house is practically spotless, quite bare, and we're trying to live with very low impact so it stays that way. It's been on the market technically for about 9 days, but actually available for viewing only 3 days. We've already had two people show it to potential buyers, and today at least 14 realtors came through for the MLS tour.

I'm a little less than 7 weeks from my estimated due date to have baby #2 and have certainly tapered off in extra energy for things like packing & cleaning. Simon is quickly approaching 2 1/2 and is very talkative, busy, and periodically naughty.

I feel a (probably unjustified) sense of calm & quiet tonight b/c as far as we know, no one is coming through the house tomorrow. Although I may get a call tomorrow saying someone will be here in 15 minutes...ah, the glass house effect. Everything we do, everything we eat, everything we don't pick up in the privacy of our own home (even closets...even the bedroom...) will be noticed by a curious realtor or potential buyer. Yikes. And being late 3rd trimester all I want to do is hibernate & insulate myself from the world. Instead, the world comes through my house in droves. Every day.

Hopefully it will lead to a speedy offer & closing on the house though. If so - it's worth it! I have to say I'm very much looking forward to June. By then the baby will be born, my spouse will be done with his school semester and therefore NOT overly stressed & overly busy, and we'll be very close to done with the craziness. I'm looking forward to July too, but I'm currently a little sad about some of the people & things we'll be leaving when we move, so it's not unfettered joy I feel at the thought of July.

Boxes

2008-02-26T03:29:00.001-05:00

This was the day we hit the tipping point: More empty boxes to be used for packing than actual stuff in our home we can pack.

Snow Day

2008-02-26T03:27:00.001-05:00

All this within about two hours. It's big for Silver City.

Haz-Mat Fantasia

2008-02-26T03:23:00.001-05:00

Oh...this is a semi-long story that I'm not sure I'm creative enough to re-tell right now. Why didn't I post this back in February when it was current? Can you tell who this is?:

Excerpt from an email I wrote my family the weekend of the event...which was around Valentine's Day:

Chocolate Fantasia was from noon-4pm, and Simon & I walked around to collect our 20 chocolates (choosing from the 30 possible sites).

Our first stop was to the Curious Kumquat to see "crazy daddy" who scared Simon a little at first. Rob had a whole "chocolate experience" planned and was very secretive about it - so we had to wait in line (in the 65 degree sunshine!) until one of two "danger guides" led us through the experience. As we waited in line we had to read a page of directions explaining that it was experiential, don't tell anyone about it, etc. etc. also a minimal disclosure about the ingredients for anyone w/ allergies. Anyone who chose the "normal" route went straight into the store and got their normal chocolate from the employee at the register. Anyone choosing danger had to wait for a guide.

Adam came out in his full haz-mat garb and led us inside. Once we were out of earshot, he talked in a normal voice to Simon & said "hi buddy," after which Simon was okay with "crazy daddy."

For those of you who have been to the Curious Kumquat, the "danger" route took us to the right, through the tea tasting room, and then through a bunch of plastic sheeting that sectioned off the "chamber." The air smelled thickly of chocolate (I learned later that after every other person Adam had a spray bottle to mist "chocolate air" into the chamber. It was actually an "edible perfume" with a flavor/scent of hot chocolate.)

So we get into this plastic-sheeting draped chocolate experience chamber (which is actually their storage/delivery room) where it's dimly lit and heavily chocolate-laden in the air. Adam hands a

chocolate to me and says "we recommend eating your chocolate here in the aroma chamber for the best chocolate experience" or something like that. It was too dark to really be able to see what it looked like, but it tasted pretty good. Then you step outside through more plastic sheeting (sort of like a carwash, actually) and there are several large signs to read as you walk out the back door & back to the parking lot. They basically said, "we hope you enjoyed your cilantro cheesecake with chocolate air" or something like that - because I guess that's what it was. :)

It was a fun experience. Later Adam said he was sweating really bad in all that gear, and Rob kept having to wipe the chocolate mist off his goggles when he'd come outside b/c he couldn't really see through them. Ew. He kinda smelled like chocolate for the rest of the afternoon. :)

College Night

2008-02-26T03:22:00.001-05:00

On Monday nights I'm typically rehearsing with our local Chamber Singers choir. It's a fun group, and I enjoy the music. I'm an alto, and I think the alto section is probably the craziest & most fun. Most rehearsal nights we plan "what we're going to do the next week" - and it's typically something pretty silly. St. Patrick's Day we wore green, and the week of Valentine's we all wore red - not too wild. But sometimes it's "band-aid" night and we all have a band-aid somewhere on our faces. Inevitably, on a night such as that, the director will say something about everyone else keeping a distance from the altos "who appear to have all gotten some strange affliction." Silly. One night not too long ago we did "college night" - which, for most of us, meant simply wearing a shirt from our alma mater. I happened to have a little flair left from a basketball game over 2 years ago. Go Calvin!

Calvin, Calvin, sing we all to thee
Our dear alma mater we pledge fidelity

Forever faithful to maroon and gold

Thy name we ever shall uphold!*

*Note of corny family trivia for you: I actually learned this song from my parents (both went to Calvin) and NOT from actually being at Calvin. I'm sure my kids will learn it too - just b/c it's sometimes fun to sing.

Strike!

2008-02-04T23:02:00.000-05:00

I was recently reading an issue of Entertainment Weekly from a few weeks ago, and the cover story was Conan's writers' strike survival guide...i.e. what to do with yourself now that you can't vegetate in front of the boob tube every night as you otherwise would. I found myself rolling my eyes & feeling like those TV addicts needed to get a life. But then...

Late Friday afternoon our phone stopped working. I changed to the phone with the cord, thinking it was somehow a problem with the cordless not being fully charged, but the same static/buzz was there. Then we realized that the phone was only giving a busy signal when anyone called it, and our internet was out too.

Suddenly I was the victim of my own mini-strike of technological distraction. It was a weekend, and I couldn't call anyone, and I couldn't get online to blog - or check email - or look things up. I felt so restless! And then I realized that I wasn't any different from the TV watchers I'd so harshly judged earlier that day. But then I also realized that it wasn't that long ago we didn't have internet easily accessible. And how many times have I gone on wilderness retreats, or even just camping, and had no technology (not even a light bulb) for a week?

So I reminded myself of how fun it is to have limited technology. On top of it all, the weather was wintry - as you might expect February to be, but not so much in New Mexico. Sunday the sky was increasingly cloudy and the wind was powerful. Today we had the same strong wind, complete cloud cover, but we also got lots of snow (for here). To top it off, Simon had hurt his arm yesterday and I was reluctant to shuffle him in & out of the car if it wasn't necessary, so we just hibernated at home.

The phone didn't ring. I didn't have to call anyone or check emails. I just played with my kid in our warm house while it blew blustery horizontal snow outside. And it was a wonderful, snuggly, sweet day.

Late this afternoon a guy from the phone company came & fixed a few things, so even though we still have a little repairing to do, we at least have our phone & internet functioning again. But I didn't get online right away, and I still haven't called anyone. I wonder if I could do a self-imposed technology strike while home (it's easier while camping - you don't expect to check Facebook!) periodically, to remind myself of how easy it is to become dependent on external communication rather than just being here, present, with my kiddo.

In-House Project

2008-01-24T01:08:00.000-05:00

Some of our house-improvement-in-order-to-sell-it projects are ones that we can do ourselves. The fireplace tile job wasn't great, but it was too scary to tear it all out (what might we find behind it?) and it got pricier that way too...in materials & time. But Adam decided to scrape out the grout (or grout-substitute substances, as the case in fact was) and re-grout it to be a nice even color. I should have taken a close-up "before" photo...but the grout was pink, half-there, and some of the holes were filled with caulk. Some of the holes were just holes.

Vacuuming up the grout-substance rubble

Beginning to grout. The color we chose is called "ivory" - aka "bland enough to blend with all the various tile colors and still not draw any attention to itself." Perfect!

Done grouting, about to start cleaning

Same *ahem* creative array of tile...new mellow grout

Vote for Stucco?

2008-01-24T01:06:00.000-05:00

It's looking like our house is just going to get better & better till we sell it. The next project on the horizon is hiring contractors to stucco the outside of the house and the wall that encloses the back yard. What color do you like?

Projects

2008-01-15T14:43:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I let myself get too caught up in details of what has to be done, but sometimes I'm okay with the work ahead and the current progress. Currently, I'm okay. It's kind of amazing in a way.

We got our carport torn down, as you've seen by my previously posted pictures. Then last week we got our chimney checked & cleaned, which was evidently something that should have been done before we bought the house. Yesterday a handy friend came over & looked at our house to see about finishing the stucco on the exterior walls, and today another contractor is coming to give us an estimate too. Basically at this point, the first person/company who says "yes, I can do the work, I can do it in your relatively urgent time frame, and it will cost you this [reasonable] amount" will be hired. I'm excited to feel like progress on some of these bigger hired-out projects is being made.

And I've currently got about 10 boxes of varying sizes fully packed, arranged in the basement & ready to go. Whoo!

Good-bye White Male Supremacy

2008-01-15T01:28:00.000-05:00

The other day my dear husband pops his head around a doorway to where I am with a riddle:

"How do you know when you're a domestic goddess?" He asked.

His answer?

"When you're rinsing poopy cloth diapers in the toilet with hot pink rubber gloves."

"Seriously," he says, "how many guys do you know that would wear pink gloves and plunge poopy diapers in the toilet?" I think I burst his bubble a little when I actually could come up with a few names of guy friends of ours that likely would do exactly that. It doesn't make my dear spouse any less wonderful though - and it does make me just that much more proud to think how many great guys I know. Next time you're having a drink, toast to the man you know who would be willing to refer to himself, proudly, as a "domestic goddess." Cheers!

Choir Antics

2008-01-15T01:04:00.000-05:00

I feel like today was my first day back at school after the holiday break. I am not in school, however, I am in our local Community Chamber Singers Choir and rehearsals started back up again tonight.

It was a trip to be back. Everyone was really goofy - you could tell we were all happy to be together again and singing.

Mick, the director, asked us all to introduce ourselves since there were a few new people who joined since last "semester." The first guy started with his name and tacked on "and I don't know how I got here." Everyone laughed - he's a bit of a jester anyway. The next guy gives his name & says "and I was invited to come join the choir." There was a humorous "ooh" as the first guy blushed a bit. The next person went on to say his name and how he's been in the choir since it started 20 years ago. And the next person shared how it was because of someone else in the choir he joined. And so on. We went around the whole room - relatively briefly sharing how we got into this choir. Some were brand new and just happened to hear a performance & decide to join. Most, by far, had been invited or encouraged by someone else in the choir. It was like people-BINGO.

After we got done w/ everyone - and by this time probably 20 minutes had passed - Mick, stifling a grin, said, "well, I don't remember asking you all to share how you got in the choir, but it was interesting," and then cracked up. Oops. Guess we were all either a) not paying full attention when he asked us to briefly introduce ourselves, b) overly eager to share a bit about ourselves and make connections with others, or c) both of the above.

Weather, Packing, Computers and Personality Types

2008-01-07T18:27:00.000-05:00

The weather today is decidedly un-New-Mexican. We have super strong gusty winds, and have seen an oscillation of rain, sleet, snow, hail, and even momentary spurts of sunshine. Almost all day some form of precipitation has been pelting the windows, but the direction seems inconsistent - so all my windows are pelted at some point or another. Needless to say, it's not a very inspiring day to go out and try to do errands or enjoy the weather...

So here I am, at home, stepping only briefly on the front porch for something as necessary. I've done quite a bit of packing of unnecessary things - like paperwork that is important to keep but not at all vital to daily life. I've also been on the computer more today than most days - because it's early in the week, I don't have church work to do for next Sunday yet, so I'm enjoying leisure computer time. I was catching up on some blogs I read, and I ran across a link through one of them for a Myers-Briggs Type Personality test. Well, it's an abbreviated one, but I love these kinds of tests, so of course I took it. It only takes a few minutes - I'd encourage you to take it and let me know your type. Here 'tis: Take the Test!

And, like the person who posted this which lead me to find it, I implore you to take the test and let me know your Type so I can read about you and know better how to love you & be a friend to you.

Here's the scoop on me, according to this test. I think it's about 98% accurate surprisingly. I'm usually less accepting of test results b/c everything has an exception it seems...but this was pretty right on:

Portrait of an INFJ - Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging
(Introverted Intuition with Extraverted Feeling)

The Protector

As an INFJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in primarily via intuition. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit with your personal value system.

INFJs are gentle, caring, complex and highly intuitive individuals. Artistic and creative, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. Only one percent of the population has an INFJ Personality Type, making it the most rare of all the types.

INFJs place great importance on havings things orderly and systematic in their outer world. They put a lot of energy into identifying the best system for getting things done, and constantly define and re-define the priorities in their lives. On the other hand, INFJs operate within themselves on an intuitive basis which is entirely spontaneous. They know things intuitively, without being able to pinpoint why, and without detailed knowledge of the subject at hand. They are usually right, and they usually know it. Consequently, INFJs put a tremendous amount of faith into their instincts and intuitions. This is something of a conflict between the inner and outer worlds, and may result in the INFJ not being as organized as other Judging types tend to be. Or we may see some signs of disarray in an otherwise orderly tendency, such as a consistently messy desk.

INFJs have uncanny insight into people and situations. They get "feelings" about things and intuitively understand them. As an extreme example, some INFJs report experiences of a psychic nature, such as getting strong feelings about there being a problem with a loved one, and discovering later that they were in a car accident. This is the sort of thing that other types may scorn and scoff at, and the INFJ themself does not really understand their intuition at a level which can be verbalized. Consequently, most INFJs are protective of their inner selves, sharing only what they choose to share when they choose to share it. They are deep, complex individuals, who are quite private and typically difficult to understand. INFJs hold back part of themselves, and can be secretive.

But the INFJ is as genuinely warm as they are complex. INFJs hold a special place in the heart of people who they are close to, who are able to see their special gifts and depth of caring. INFJs are concerned for people's feelings, and try to be gentle to avoid hurting anyone. They are very sensitive to conflict, and cannot tolerate it very well. Situations which are charged with conflict may drive the normally peaceful INFJ into a state of agitation or charged anger. They may tend to internalize conflict into their bodies, and experience health problems when under a lot of stress.

Because the INFJ has such strong intuitive capabilities, they trust their own instincts above all else. This may result in an INFJ stubborness and tendency to ignore other people's opinions. They believe that they're right. On the other hand, INFJ is a perfectionist who doubts that they are living up to their full potential. INFJs are rarely at complete peace with themselves - there's always something else they should be doing to improve themselves and the world around them. They believe in constant growth, and don't often take time to revel in their accomplishments. They have strong value systems, and need to live their lives in accordance with what they feel is right. In deference to the Feeling aspect of their personalities, INFJs are in some ways gentle and easy going. Conversely, they have very high expectations of themselves, and frequently of their families. They don't believe in compromising their ideals.

INFJ is a natural nurturer; patient, devoted and protective. They make loving parents and usually have strong bonds with their offspring. They have high expectations of their children, and push them to be the best that they can be. This can sometimes manifest itself in the INFJ being hard-nosed and stubborn. But generally, children of an INFJ get devoted and sincere parental guidance, combined with deep caring.

In the workplace, the INFJ usually shows up in areas where they can be creative and somewhat independent. They have a natural affinity for art, and many excel in the sciences, where they make use of their intuition. INFJs can also be found in service-oriented professions. They are not good at dealing with minutia or very detailed tasks. The INFJ will either avoid such things, or else go to the other extreme and become enveloped in the details to the extent that they can no longer see the big picture. An INFJ who has gone the route of becoming meticulous about details may be highly critical of other individuals who are not.

The INFJ individual is gifted in ways that other types are not. Life is not necessarily easy for the INFJ, but they are capable of great depth of feeling and personal achievement.

Jungian functional preference ordering:

Dominant: Introverted Intuition
Auxilliary: Extraverted Feeling
Tertiary: Introverted Thinking
Inferior: Extraverted Sensing

For more information on the INFJ Type in Relationships, as a Lover, Parent and Friend, and for general Strengths & Weaknesses, check it out here. Or, for another take on the INFJ, read about it through this site.

Carport turned View

2008-01-04T19:24:00.000-05:00

From the perspective of the front of the house, here's the change in a few days:

Every time I see this final picture, I feel like I can breathe again!

Carport Dismantling

2008-01-04T19:14:00.000-05:00

We have a short window of time before we have to put our house on the market. In that window, we have several projects to make it more attractive to a potential buyer, and/or to be able to get a better price for it. Many of these projects are either finishing things that a previous owner left unfinished, or getting rid of things in bad shape. This is an example of the latter. While we loved having shade for my car, this carport was in terrible shape. Both horizontal beams were sagging, and one part of the roof of it was completely rotted through. Several leaks made it not very useful at all for keeping rain off my car. We opted to tear it down & clean up the front of the house instead of rebuilding it - which would cost several thousand dollars. Our friend Kevin offered to tear it down for the price of whatever materials he could salvage, and we both thought we got a great deal. Here are four "from the street" view pictures throughout the process. It's not completely finished, although the carport IS completely gone.

Our Holiday Photo

2008-01-02T23:49:00.000-05:00

This is probably a little bit illegal, but I decided to scan in our holiday photo to share with you all. Due to a misprint on the first batch, we actually have almost 100 extra copies of this photo card. If you are reading this and didn't receive one already in the mail or in person from us, you're welcome to contact me and I'll send you one. I don't know what to do with all the extras!

A New Year

2008-01-02T19:45:00.000-05:00

Wow - I can't believe that I'm about to write a current post. Lately all I do is update from past events. Now that Christmas is over and the camera is getting a little rest, I have time to write and be in the present moment instead!

So, as you can tell from our holiday letter (if you didn't already know) we are expecting a lot of big changes in 2008. One big change is the addition of another baby to our family at the end of May, but that feels like a relatively small change in comparison to the other big change. Or maybe it's just because we've already been through a pregnancy & the addition of a baby, so it seems like something we've done before. I know every pregnancy & childbirth & baby is a unique experience, but it's easy to spend very little time & energy thinking & talking about it this time. Maybe it's due to the fact that Simon keeps us so busy that we don't have time, and maybe it's as much because I personally don't like a lot of attention if I can avoid it, so I just opt not to talk about it. I AM excited about it, and we are happy to celebrate that as of New Year's Eve we are at 20 weeks (halfway!) - I just would rather talk about Simon than my body & pregnancy.

The other big change isn't about my body, so I'm happier to talk candidly about it. :) This is the "Christmas surprise" I mentioned in the Official 2007 Christmas blog entry I wrote on Simon's blog. When my parents left us after a too-short visit in late-November, Adam & I began to talk more about family. When my grandmother in Washington state died a week later, we talked that much more about family & grandparents & relationships with long-distance versus close-by people. I was teary for most of these days.

But then we began to discuss the idea - "What IF we moved back to Grand Rapids?" Could we do it financially, emotionally, physically? What would it change? Would it be a good idea? What would we be moving away from? What would we be moving toward? And somehow, since the last time we had talked about "home" and where that might be, we had both independently come to the decision that Grand Rapids was home and we wanted to go back. This was a pretty shocking realization for both of us, as when we moved from Grand Rapids to Silver City 4 1/2 years ago we vowed we'd NEVER move back to Grand Rapids. Time & perspective & children change things!

So actually moving itself has been something we've talked about on & off for a few years. We really love it here and it's going to be super hard to leave, but we realized this isn't Home. A few years ago it was "we'll never move back to GR," then it was "maybe we'd move to Madison, WI or Chicago or within a half-day drive of GR," then it was "as long as we're not right in the city - we could do Hastings or Lowell or something a little more rural & small & it would have a similar feel." But after this most recent visit w/ my parents when we actually talked about GR with the idea "what IF Grand Rapids really could be our long-term home?" it began to feel really obviously right. We talked about the opportunities Grand Rapids provides - jobs, schools, fun things to do w/ kids - we talked about the economics of the area compared to here, we talked about family, we talked about friends & relationships that we'd be leaving or coming back to (or anticipating new), we talked about churches...and all the signs pointed to GR being a good choice. For the heart, mind & soul! :) So even though I'm on & off in tears about leaving (especially our best friends here...but it doesn't help that I'm pregnant, so I might be a little more emotional anyway), we're really really excited about it.

Both Adam & I had also independently come to a place where we both knew we wanted to stay put in life too. We were both raised in families that stayed in one place - my parents moved across town once when I was in middle school, but it didn't change my school or anything. And Adam's mom still lives in the home he grew up in. The idea of moving multiple times is not appealing to us, and neither of us are really jazzed about the idea of living in a small rural town thousands of miles away from family for the rest of our lives - and our kids only knowing grandparents as long-distance visitors. It just wasn't good enough, and we finally realized that without any “but”’s. As much as we love it here, there were far more reasons pulling us back Home than keeping us here.

Now that we're thinking about it & talking about it & putting the wheels in motion, we can't help but think of much else. We're looking at Silver City differently - almost as if we are tourists. Relatively long-term tourists, since by the time we leave we'll have lived here for 5 years, but tourists nonetheless. We've begun collecting boxes and withdrawing from a few things here - without trying to shut out local life too much. We sometimes play a “game” as we’re getting ready to go to sleep for the night – “Quick, off the top of your head – what are 5 things you’re most excited about in Grand Rapids?” Or the same, but 5 things you won’t miss about this place? Or 5 things you anticipate developing/creating at our new/old home?

And as it’s now a new year, it’s natural to start talking about goals & plans & resolutions for the upcoming year. Our New Year’s Day while Simon was napping we spent talking about what we want to look for in the house we buy in Grand Rapids. We talked about what rooms we require, what rooms we’d like but aren’t necessary, and what would be too much. We talked about yards & neighborhoods & floor plans. We envisioned our family, plus new baby, in a home in Michigan, just across town from most of our extended families.

Since baby #2 is due at the end of May, and we’re already planning on the annual Rozeboom family cottage vacation at the end of July, we’re hoping to relocate in the June/early July window to avoid (if nothing else) a few extra plane tickets. We’ll keep you updated on the progress. For now, we’re making a few changes to our house here in preparation for putting it on the market, and gathering boxes (as I said already) from any & all local businesses that will set them aside for us. As we pack we’re organizing our basement a bit so we know for sure what boxes are ready to go and don’t need to be touched again till we’re relocated in our new home, when we get Home.

Best wishes to you all in 2008 whatever YOUR big plans are!

Christmas Day - our dinner (mostly prepared by Adam)

2008-01-02T19:37:00.000-05:00

The Slightly Less Official Christmas 2007 entry

2008-01-02T18:56:00.000-05:00

I wrote the Official Christmas 2007 entry on Simon's blog, b/c more of our festivities & holiday spirit centers around him anyway. But here are a few pictures - Christmas Eve dinner, the tree with all the gifts, our "casual" family holiday photo, and the Christmas moon over our backyard and Christmas lights. After the pictures, I've copied & pasted the text from our holiday letter this year. That will answer a few questions you might have after having read a few other entries. Happy Holidays!

Greetings family – those by blood and those by choice –

Another sunshiny year has passed for us in our beloved Silver City! Southwest New Mexico has served us very well for 4 ½ years now – providing family and friends, spiritual & academic & professional growth opportunities, and feeling very much like “home.” Lately, however, our attention & energy has shifted as we begin setting things in motion to move back to the Grand Rapids, Michigan area for our long term “settled” home. As we anticipate moving possibly within the year, we also reflect on how our lives have been enriched not only in the past year, but in our several years here in Silver City, New Mexico.

This year itself brought about few big changes, but it was a year of building on all that happened last year. Adam is still plugging his way through school online with Western Governor’s University. He’s had some rough classes this year, but is excited about the semester that just began. For the next 6 months he will be working on the initial Education classes for his teaching degree – and he can’t wait for these courses. They promise to be fun and challenging in a relevant way. 3 semesters down, 4 to go! Then a semester of student teaching and he’s on his way to career #2 for his young 31 years.

Unlike the second half of 2006 where Adam’s self-owned & operated Deep Dish Tile experienced a business drought, this fall has been almost TOO busy. Work had been slow, with mostly small jobs earlier in the year that didn’t earn as much money for his time. Summertime found him actively looking for gainful employment, but the search proved relatively unsuccessful. As we were beginning to feel discouraged, some local men who own two apartment complexes approached him & asked him to tile every apartment as they were vacated throughout the next year(s). We thought at the time it would only be 1-2 per month, but it’s been 4 or 5, and they’re not small! Adam’s starting to feel like maybe his body doesn’t love him for doing hard physical labor, so he’s that much more inspired to get his degree done.

I completed my 3-year term on the Board of Directors for our Silver City Food Co-op, and subsequently was elected for another. After completing my 1-year term of being board President, I opted not to make myself available for election to that position again – it was more work and energy than I could handle with my other work and parenting busyness. After just a few months, however, I chose to resign completely. Primarily this is due to the fact that we are hoping to move within the year, and it’s better for the Co-op to have someone with more energy & less distraction to offer. Being on the Board taught me a lot about working with people and was an invaluable experience.

I mentioned in last year’s holiday letter that I had begun researching seminaries for my next road of education. I’m still hoping to pursue seminary, but I’m realistic about it probably not happening for several years yet. Not only is it a lot having Adam in school, but if both parents were in school I’m not sure any housework would ever get done! Plus, I’m really enjoying this time as Momma to Simon, and hope to have several more years of at-home-parenting before jumping into the next goal. I still meet with my Spiritual Director, though not every month. I’ve backed off on several of my involvements as I prepare for Baby #2 at the end of May. It’s hard work keeping up with a busy 2-year old and being pregnant at the same time!

This brings me to Simon – our joy and little stinkbug all rolled into one! :) We celebrated his 2^nd birthday a few days before his actual day (Dec. 1) because Grandma Lizzy & Grandpa were here from Michigan. We had a fun party with presents from all the family & extended family. At one point he said “no more presents,” so I think we’ve learned a lesson about pacing the excitement when it comes time for Christmas. He learned to walk a little later than the “curve” – I think he was about 16 or 17 months old. But he’s got it covered well by now – the next challenge is learning to ride his new tricycle from Grandpa & Grandma. And he’s always been ahead of the “curve” with words. Simon is an expressive, chatty kid. He’s great fun to talk to and hang out with, and he’s highly capable of expressing his desires and preferences. We have a Tuesday morning standing play group at our local Community Built Park that Simon loves. Swings, slides and friends all at once! I’m not sure he quite understands what it means that he’s going to be a big brother, but he loves babies to the point of excessive patting & hugging & kissing, so we’re thinking he’ll adjust pretty happily as he does with most everything.

In February Simon was baptized, our dear friends Rob & Tyler Connoley became his doting Godparents, and we became members at our local United Church of Christ. In March I was asked to be the secretary. It’s a dear little church with an inclusive, loving, serving congregation, and we truly feel part of a family. The secretarial work is all done from my home computer & phone, so I’m still able to be a full-time Momma, which is my truest and best job.

Other high points of the year include the 4^th of July parade in which we walked with the PFLAG group again and a July vacation to Michigan that encompassed 6 days at a beautiful (and large!) cottage on Lake Michigan with the whole family. While there we celebrated twin nieces Anna & Rachel’s first birthdays, and Simon got a cake just for fun – because his cousins did. When my parents (Rozebooms) were here for a visit in February they were able to attend (and sing a duet in) the worship service when Simon was baptized. With their help we completely remodeled our office/TV room that doubles as a guest room. And Adam DID finally finish the bathroom he had gutted, so we now have a really lovely northern “wing” of the house.

I “resigned” from my Monday night knitting group in order to join our local Community Chamber Singers choir (which rehearses on Monday nights) – and singing again has filled my soul in a way nothing else can. Singing is my joy – my spiritual connection. At our winter concert on December 2^nd I even sang a solo for one of our songs. Adam said it made his skin tingle. I guess that’s better than making his skin crawl! :)

As we round the corner for another calendar year and welcome the light returning back to the Northern Hemisphere after the Solstice, we anticipate a busy and exciting “homecoming” year. We look forward to welcoming a new baby late in the month of May, and we look forward to relocating back to our hopefully long-term home of Grand Rapids, Michigan within the year. Again this summer we are excited about the whole family (plus husbands & FOUR children) congregating at a Lake Michigan cottage for a week.

This holiday season, especially as we look down a road full of changes and new beginnings, we are deeply grateful for our health, our love for each other and our child(ren), and the truly beautiful family we’ve become part of here in Silver City. While we are thrilled to be moving back, our hearts break at least a little bit at leaving so many things and people that we love here. Between December of 2005 and December of 2007 we lost an uncle and two grandmothers. But even as we are saddened by our losses, we rejoice to know they are free of the struggle to live that had become their final months & weeks. We celebrate knowing that our children will grow up with most of their extended family within a short drive, so they too will know their aunts & uncles & grandparents & cousins. We’re grateful for the unstoppable journey that each new day is, and for our sweet Simon who drives us ever forward in creativity & playfulness and increases our joy constantly. And we find ourselves living each day in hope as we anticipate the advent of our Lord.

Joy and Peace to you this holiday season –

Adam, Bethany Joy & Simon Gerard Lange

Late November - clean up with help!

2007-12-28T19:03:00.000-05:00

I don't know how it is that my parents at 57 have WAY more energy than Adam & I do (put together!) but they do. They are incredible - busy & helpful & efficient & darn productive. Every time they are planning a visit they tell us to come up with a few projects to tackle - sometimes big things like painting every room in our new house or remodeling an entirely gutted room. This was a shorter visit, so we just cleaned up the entire yard & took 3 massive loads of junk to the dump...all in a weekend's work for these "grand" parents!

Late November again

2007-12-28T19:01:00.000-05:00

Even though my birthday was at the beginning of November and we spent MOST of my parents' visit celebrating Simon's birthday which was just a few days away, we did go out for a classy & delicious dinner one night at Adobe Springs Cafe.

Mom & Dad left a few days before my Chamber Singers choir rehearsal, but Dad came to rehearsal, made a few musical observations (as a music man himself) and snapped a few photos.

Late November

2007-12-28T18:59:00.000-05:00

My dad decided not to completely neglect our four-footed friends...Simon certainly gets the limelight, but I thought I'd share the other "kids" in the house. Especially b/c the picture of Paladin is so darn funny.

Paladin, aka Tubby or Tuba

Rogue, aka Tuna

The Sunday my parents were here we extended an impromptu invitation to Rob & Tyler for brunch after church. We polished off an egg & sausage & cheese casserole awfully quickly...

Lighted Christmas Parade - November 24

2007-12-28T18:56:00.000-05:00

Most of the stories & pictures from my parents' recent visit are shared through Simon's blog at www.simongerard.blogspot.com, but I have a small sampling of photos to get out there before I post Christmas ones.

Me with my two favorite men - Dad & hubby - at the Christmas Parade

Tyler & Rob - our dear friends (my two SECOND favorite men) staying warm in their store & watching the parade through the window

Mom & I came in to warm up a few times

My Birthday Purchases

2007-12-21T19:30:00.000-05:00

As much as I love Ren Faires & the medieval era, every year I realize how little I have to dress the part. This year my goal was to find some good clothiers and purchase an outfit or two. I found a bonus - a reversible "corset" of sorts - and a skirt that matches both sides. So I only bought two snoods for my hair & two blouses, and the rest works together for two full outfits. I thought I looked younger in the white and older in the red, but Adam thought it looked more like the white was poorer (peasant) and the red was wealthier (maybe a landowner's wife?)

Renaissance Faire weekend

2007-12-13T16:12:00.000-05:00

The first full weekend in November is always the Renaissance Faire in Las Cruces, which is about a 2 hour drive from Silver City. Adam and I met and became friends because of the fact that we are both medieval/renaissance geeks, so finding a way to indulge in our anachronistic tendencies for a day or two is a high point of our year. Seeing as the first weekend in November is always relatively close to November 2, my birthday, this is how we celebrate my birthday. This year we decided to get a hotel "suite" for the night so we could have a little space, Simon could go to bed, and we could still stay up & revel in the free HBO. My dear friend Tyler, who isn't quite as anachronistically geeky as we are but still likes to join in for a bit of the fun, came on Saturday but had to head back to Silver after one day. Here are a smattering of photos from the weekend, and Simon's blog has a few more at www.simongerard.blogspot.com.

Our medieval family.

Tyler & me in full garb

Tyler & Simon & I take a break from the sun.

Medieval Simon & Daddy

November 2, 2007 - My Birthday

2007-12-13T16:07:00.000-05:00

A little out of order, but I wanted to share a few photos from my 28th birthday with my family.

High Mountain Desert Weather "Patterns?"

2007-11-21T18:34:00.000-05:00

I realize that the weather is generally a boring subject, but when I realized that our 70-range sunny weather is being shoved over by a wicked cold front JUST as Thanksgiving comes and my parents fly in for a visit, well, that becomes interesting. In a bad way. Check out this forecast:

Forecast Conditions

High/Low °F

Precip.
Chance

Tonight
Nov 21

Rain / Snow Showers Late

N/A/37°

40%

High not valid after 2pm

Thu
Nov 22

Few Showers

51°/32°

30%

51°F

Fri
Nov 23

Rain / Snow Showers

49°/31°

30%

49°F

Sat
Nov 24

Rain / Snow Showers

43°/24°

40%

43°F

Grab Your Skis

Yuck. I guess it's time to pull out the sweaters. And here are a few choice sentences from a "special weather statement" we get:

STRONG COLD FRONT EXPECTED TONIGHT... ...WINTRY WEATHER AND THE COLDEST TEMPERATURES OF THE SEASON THIS WEEKEND...

A COLD FRONT WILL PUSH INTO THE AREA THIS EVENING WITH STRONG EAST WINDS EXPECTED...

INCREASING CHANCES FOR MOUNTAIN SNOW SHOWERS AND LOWLAND RAIN SHOWERS ARE EXPECTED OVERNIGHT FRIDAY NIGHT... YET ANOTHER COLD BLAST IS EXPECTED DURING THE DAY ON SATURDAY ... THE RESULT WILL BE CONTINUED CHANCES FOR SHOWERS AND THE COLDEST TEMPERATURES THUS FAR IN THE SEASON...STRUGGLING TO MAKE IT INTO THE LOWER 40S IN THE LOWLANDS.

AS TEMPERATURES FALL LATE SATURDAY AFTERNOON...LOWLAND RAIN SHOWERS WILL BEGIN TO MIX WITH SNOW BEFORE TURNING OVER TO ALL SNOW SATURDAY EVENING. OVERALL...SIGNIFICANT SNOW ACCUMULATIONS ARE EXPECTED ACROSS AREA MOUNTAINS...

Holiday Crazies

2007-11-15T17:42:00.000-05:00

My parents are going to be here a week from tomorrow for a visit! I love having them come. Although I also realize we have a few projects & cleaning we need to finish before they get here...and I also realize that by the time they arrive Thanksgiving will be over, so that means it's really the holiday season.

Last night I couldn't sleep b/c I was thinking about all the gifts to purchase & make in such a short time. I watched The Polar Express last night and I'm listening to Handel's Messiah right now, again, for the 10th (at least) time this season. I think I'm ready for Christmas!

Cyndi Cargen, 1962-2007

2007-10-20T17:20:00.000-04:00

I'm jolted out of my daily routine by sudden and unbelievable news. A friend has passed away.

When I was pregnant for Simon 2 1/2 years ago, I started going to our local yarn store on Monday nights to knit with whoever showed up. The group has shifted some over the months & years, but it's been a relatively consistent group for the past year or so. A few months ago I joined the local Chamber Singers choir which meets on Monday night at the same time, and I got a little teary at my last Monday night knitting - I felt as though I was leaving a family. I was, in effect.

Last night I got a call from one of my Monday knitter friends. She wanted to let me know that Cyndi, another of the Monday knitting regulars and a friend of all of ours, had had a stroke on Tuesday. She lost half of her brain function within a day or two and by yesterday (Friday) morning Cyndi was declared completely brain dead. She was being kept on life support for a short time because Cyndi was an organ donor. Her generosity continues even though her life will not. She was 45, a wife, a mother of two pre-teen boys, a loyal and generous friend.

When I first met Cyndi it was about halfway through my pregnancy with Simon. I know I was more emotional and sensitive than usual, probably due to the pregnancy hormones, and Cyndi's manner of speaking her mind, boldly, whether you wanted to hear it or not, was abrasive and offensive to me. I didn't like her at all.

Within a few months this same manner grew on me, and became part of what I most loved about her. She was unflinching in her honesty, which is actually a rare and respectable trait. And while I was initially turned off by her because she seemed to have something to say about every single thing, I realized in due time that she actually KNEW something valuable about almost everything.

One day there was a woman who came to knit and spoke about her international travels - I don't remember which country, but I do recall that it seemed to me like a slightly more obscure one. And Cyndi piped in about some town she'd been to - and I thought "is she serious? How is it possible?" but it was. And quickly she became the person whose opinion I most valued about so many things - because she really had done it, been there. Whether it was making homemade croissants from scratch to delicate perfection, organic gardening and composting, building things, home schooling her two boys, or coming up with a clever way to earn income by having a sharp eye for quality, she continued to amaze me.

One of the most exciting things to hear about was their house project. Cyndi and her husband and two boys have been renting a house in town and building a "green" house on some land for the past few years. They're doing permaculture and rain catchment and all sorts of sustainable practices - and building this property up to be as sustainable as they could. This is the kind of thing I'd ideally love to do, but I feel daunted by it. Cyndi demystified so many things for me - she'd quickly shrug and say "oh it's easy" to almost anything. It's because of her we finally started a compost pile in the backyard. She was right - it is easy. By next spring we'll have fabulous compost. She was going to help me with our garden in the spring...first by bringing llama beans (poop) for fertilizer, and then by helping with some of the planting strategies. She had given me an envelope of seeds from her loofah plant, which grows some squash-like vegetable that can then be cut and cleaned and used as loofahs for bathing. The llama beans came from our local llama rescue where she took her boys on a regular basis to help care for them.

Cyndi was one of those people you can't help but watch and learn from. Through the knitting group I realized how widely her vision and generosity reached. I don't know what her personal financial situation was, but she was truly a philanthropist at heart. Last fall she started knitting baby hats - not because she knew people who were having babies, but simply because she knew that there would be babies in need of hats. She began making two at a time, and recruiting other Monday night knitters to make them as well. Cyndi was hard to say no to when she got an idea in mind. A small pile of baby hats began to accumulate on the table. I mentioned this to my First Born home visitor - First Born is a local program developed to support first time parents and their babies prenatally through the child's third birthday. Every client receives a hand knit hat from their visitor once the baby is born, and the elderly woman who had been knitting most of them was no longer doing so. So Cyndi found her recipient. I don't know how many times she went to the First Born office, delivering a variety of lovely hand knit baby hats, but she certainly kept many a Grant County baby head snug.

Then just after Christmas last year she started talking about a Red Scarf Project. She came in with 8 or 12 inches knit already of an intricate and beautiful pattern that would become a lovely red scarf. Again, she began recruiting others to join her in the project. Scarves made in any shade of red - or with some red accents - were being gathered by a certain date and then she was shipping them to an organization who distributed them for Valentine's Day to high school aged children in a foster home who had not been adopted.

Later in the spring or early summer she began collecting old cell phones. I don't even remember the details surrounding it, but she collected a small quantity of them from our little group of knitters and shipped them away to yet another organization - which recycled the phones and somehow made them usable & gave them to people in yet another challenging situation.

Cyndi had a passion for giving to the more vulnerable populations. I don't know what it was that drove her compassionate and humanitarian urges, but in retrospect it strikes me as being very Christ-like. Who else did Jesus most tenderly reach out to but the poor, the elderly, the children, the crippled? Jesus gave the most loving compassion to those who hadn't experienced it in abundance, and those were exactly the groups of people Cyndi seemed to be constantly seeking out in order to give what she could of her time, talents and treasure. If only more of us could be as passionately compassionate!

I loved watching Cyndi with her boys. In the past few years whenever we've gone on vacation we've hired her boys to watch our cats. Cyndi would water our plants and sometimes even clean up a few things in the kitchen we'd not gotten to before leaving, and the boys would scoop the litter, feed and water the cats, and give them some attention and affection. The first time we hired them, she came over a few days before our vacation with both boys in tow. They had a notebook with certain prompts and questions already written in it, and they proceeded to ask us a variety of questions. What was the vet's number? What time of day should the cats be fed? How much food do they get at a time? Can they go outside? We answered their questions and Cyndi encouraged them to write everything in their notebook. I could tell that she had talked to them at length in preparation for this responsibility of cat-sitting, and I admired & greatly appreciated her thoroughness. Every day of our vacation Cyndi would drive her boys over to care for the cats while she puttered about. She accepted nothing from us for this service, and we paid the boys an amount that she, and they, and we felt was fair for their help. Our cats were never better cared for than on those vacations where the Cargen family came over.

I keep coming up with more stories and things I'd love to share, and maybe tidbits will continue to show up here. But for now, it's time to wish Cyndi well on her incredible journey to whatever lies beyond.

We Monday night knitter friends (family, really) are planning meals for a week or more to bring to Cyndi's family who are left behind. We are also knitting squares of various colors to string together into a prayer flag that we will give to Cyndi's husband and boys. Prayer flags are a tangible way of acknowledging our connection to the Divine Mystery, and as the flags blow in the breeze and fade - or even disintegrate - by the effects of the elements, we can visualize our prayers for Cyndi's journey and the peace of her soul being carried far on the wings of the wind.

Blessings on the journey of your spirit, Cyndi. Watch for an ofrenda from your friends and touch down to say farewell during the Days of the Dead before you head off for good. Our needles are busy, our hearts our hurting, and our yarn and our prayers will follow you for a long, long time. Monday night knitting group, Silver City and the populations of those in need of compassion will never be the same. No one who knew you remained untouched, and we were blessed to know you. We love you.

October 6

2007-10-07T18:48:00.000-04:00

Happy 6th anniversary to us!

Guinea (pigs...and otherwise)

2007-10-03T18:36:00.001-04:00

I have a dear friend named Rob. He's amazing in the kitchen - working toward being a famous pastry chef, and not just in our little town. He's already earned that title here.

Sometimes we are the guinea pigs for his dessert creations. Most of the time we are thrilled by this opportunity. It's a good night when Rob calls up and asks if we want dessert because he was baking all weekend and can't eat any more. Sometimes we get a perfect little two-person-sized portion, sometimes he brings over an entire cake. We eat what we can, and sometimes end up sharing it with more friends too. Rarely do we get a gomer, but we'll give a "thumbs down" if we think it necessary. This is a good arrangement.

This past weekend we had Rob & Tyler over to eat a sort of "finger food appetizer" dinner, and watch a movie. They walked in completely laden with containers and bags full of food items. Tyler rolled his eyes and said "they're all desserts."

I often tease Rob for being overly obsessive/compulsive and anal - but I feel I can say this without malice (in fact, with love and humor) as I see the same characteristics in myself. Actually, we've grown to calling each other "brother" & "sister" because we are curiously similar. This particular evening is one situation where I ribbed him mercilessly and told him I'd have to write my parents about it - "Guess what Rob made us do?!" - and yet, silently I was a little jealous I hadn't come up with the idea.

He brought over 4 different desserts: flan, chocolate surprise, almond genoise (which is pronounced "jhen-wah" but we persisted in calling "jeh-noisy" just for Rob's cringes & laughs), and some kind of custard. All of them were small enough servings, so it wasn't too bizarre that he would have brought four different things.

The crazy/interesting part was that for each of the four desserts he had made three different recipes - changing only one ingredient: the egg. His experiment was to discover the effect of using duck, chicken, and guinea eggs.

Before we got a plate or a fork, we were handed a pen and a paper with a chart on it. Four desserts listed along the left with space for tasting notes ("comment on texture, flavor, favorites," etc. I don't remember the whole list b/c I don't speak "pastry chef") and across the top of the page were the numbers "1, 2, 3" so we could make distinguishing notes & observations in each "box" as we tasted.

Twelve bites of four desserts later, we were told which eggs were used in which desserts. We compared our notes, Rob said "fascinating," and smiled, and we told him which ones he should never make again.

Dodging the Blog

2007-09-18T18:16:00.001-04:00

I'm terrible. I keep intending to write about organized religion, and then I don't know what to say yet so I dodge the blog completely.

I've been busy with various house projects lately - trying to get a little less dependent on my e-world. It's kind of nice to work with real pictures instead of just digital pictures, and to read books on paper instead of blogs and essays on screen all the time. I recently came across the following quote by Elton John:

Let's go out in the streets and march and protest instead of sitting at home and blogging. I do think it would be an incredible experiment to shut down the whole Internet for five years and see what sort of art is produced over that span. There's too much technology available. I'm sure, as far as music goes, it would be much more interesting than it is today.

I don't know about music, but I'm thinking in my personal life at least this is true. I may have to start setting a schedule of time online. Sometimes I may have to push myself a little to get on the computer, but sometimes I may have to cut it off earlier than I otherwise might for the sake of my personal health & creativity. All that blue light isn't good for me anyway.

My Shamanic Son

2007-09-13T18:23:00.001-04:00

When Simon says his name it sounds like he says "shah-mon." I love this. He tells me over & over that he's a shaman.

According to Wikipedia, shamans are

"people who have a strong interest in their surrounding environment and the society of which they are a part."

Simon is VERY interested in his surrounding environment and society. Also,

a "shaman" being the Turkic-Tungus word for such a practitioner and literally meaning "he who knows."

I'm regularly stunned by all he knows. Again:

One of the most significant and relevant qualities that separate a shaman from other spiritual leaders is their communications with the supernatural world.

I have no doubt that my kiddo is in regular communication with some one(s) in the spiritual realm. He speaks a language that someone understands, and I think he gets regular answers. Finally:

Often the shaman has, or acquires, one or more familiar helping entities in the spirit world; these are often spirits in animal form, spirits of healing plants, or (sometimes) those of departed shamans.

I wonder if my cat doesn't have a spiritual counterpart that helps Simon. Those two have a special bond.

I genuinely don't mean to trivialize shamanism...actually, as I skimmed the article there was a lot that stood out to be true. I have long ago learned to seek truth wherever it may be found, and not limit it to one culture or religion or denomination or government.

And I supposed Simon could have some shamanic capabilities. I've heard lots of people say that small children are more closely connected to the Divine than any of us for a few reasons:

they only recently joined this earthly life and may have some memory of being a spirit in the company of the Divine previously
they don't have all the "baggage" from living in this world yet
they are open - deeply open - and accepting of things adults might explain away or ignore

There are probably an abundance of other reasons, but I don't need to over analyze. For now, I'll just be sure to listen to my little "Shah-mon."

Economies and Boats

2007-09-12T17:57:00.000-04:00

At what point does a person’s dim financial situation reflect his or her own choices and shortcomings as opposed to a societal indication of trouble? Or at what point is it no longer the fault of the individual if they are being beaten by the system?

We're having a rough time right now, financially speaking. I have a great part-time job with pretty good pay, but I only get paid once a month and not always in a timely way. Even so, it's only part time, so there's limited income potential. Adam's self-employed, but there haven't been enough medium to large sized jobs, and the little ones don't pay very well. So he's looking for employment.

I guess we'll join the ranks of families who attemped to be self-employed, and then our small business will go out of business after just a few years. This in itself isn't such a big deal, really. We both knew it wasn't probably going to be a long-term situation. It's just frustrating that Adam's working his way through school to get his degree, but now due to our economic situation we're being forced into looking for a job anyway - about 2 years before his degree will guide him to employment.

So I've been thinking a lot about jobs and the economy.

Whenever I read about universal health care I am highly interested, because we're in that pot of people who need it. We make little enough to qualify for Medicaid and most sliding scale situations, but we don't have the right sort of documentation to prove our meager income, so we can't get it. We can show our tax information from last year, but that's not really accurate to this year at all. So we get stuck.

And I'm not trying to get out of taking personal responsibility for our tight and stressful situation, but since taking it on myself & trying to fix it comes all TOO naturally for me, I thought I'd try a different approach.

What if I let go a little?

What if it's not completely something that we have control over? What if we are simply an unfortunate product of our small town economy? What if we are a symptom of a national illness - a widening gap between the rich and all the rest of us? I used to be upper middle class, or at least middle class. I'm clearly now very much lower middle class, if there is such a thing as a middle class. And is this something we can change on a person or family level? Or is it more systemic?

Do I just have to learn to get better at the rules of the game, and then play to win like the rich do? Is there another option?

And then I think of another way for me to step back a little and let go. What about trusting the Divine? When we first moved here to Silver City most of our friends practised a very earth-centric spiritual life. The Universe provided for our greatest needs - and it always did. Since that time I have come back to my familiar home within the great, diverse, welcoming family of Christianity. So maybe I can learn somehow to trust God.

Then my question becomes - at what point can I just step back and trust God to provide for us, and at what point is God shaking her head and saying "I've given you the tools to pull yourself out of this - don't give up!"

I'm reminded of this story:

A religious man is on top of a roof during a great flood. A man comes by in a boat and says "get in, get in!" The religous man replies, "no, I have faith in God, he will grant me a miracle."

Later the water is up to his waist and another boat comes by and the guy tells him to get in again. He responds that he has faith in God and God will give him a miracle. With the water about chest high, another boat comes to rescue him, but he turns down the offer again because "God will grant him a miracle."

With the water chin high, a helicopter throws down a ladder and they tell him to climb up. Mumbling with the water in his mouth, he again turns down the request for help for the faith of God. The man drowns. He arrives at the gates of heaven with broken faith and says to Peter, "I thought God would grant me a miracle and I have been let down." St. Peter chuckles and responds, "I don't know what you're complaining about, we sent you three boats and a helicopter."

So now I'm wondering - what boat is right in front of me that I'm failing to climb into?

Sushi Success

2007-09-11T18:22:00.000-04:00

On Saturday I attended a sushi class at The Curious Kumquat. Our good friends own the store, and sometimes I help out when they need shifts covered, so I am getting quite familiar with various ins & outs of the store. Last month they hired a chef to teach a sushi class on a day that I was running the register - and I heard peals of laughter, regularly, coming from the kitchen. When the class was over I watched everyone emerge with containers full of sushi rolls they'd made, and then most of the participants bought several ingredients to presumably go home & make some more.

I promptly signed up for the next class, which was this past weekend. I'm not sure we were quite as rambunctious of a class as last month's, but we certainly had a great time. If nothing else, the class demystified the art of sushi making, while simultaneously elevating it into something we may never master.

I realized that it's relatively easy to make mediocre sushi. This is the part that is liberating. The ingredients are not complicated or expensive, and it really is fun to prepare and assemble. The part that is daunting is realizing that there are an infinite number of varieties and presentations, and I may have to attend Sushi II to get even a little start on that.

But when I got home we sliced up the sushi rolls I'd made and snacked on them as our first phase of dinner - and they were tasty. I was impressed with the cross-section view of the third & final roll I'd made, because I think I did it pretty much correctly.

Now I'm inspired to purchase the "staple" ingredients so I can have a "sushi kit" in my kitchen, ready to go. Just some wasabi, pickled ginger, rice vinegar, soy sauce, nori, rice and my rolling mat in a box and I'm good to go!

One interesting tidbit I learned: "Sushi" has nothing to do with fish. It's sushi if it's got rice, nori, and rice vinegar together. "Sashimi" is the term for the sushi-grade fishes.

Happy eating!

To Be Continued

2007-09-07T17:02:00.000-04:00

This year is the 50th anniversary of the United Church of Christ denomination. Our local church is celebrating it this Sunday, and I've been actively involved in planning the celebration for it.

Then just a few moments ago I ended up chatting with a friend about organized religion, for all its lovely and unlovely characteristics.

I intend to put some thought into this and write about it - maybe on Sunday after we've had the event. As it is, I still have a few deadlines in the next few days and just don't make time for blogging when non-virtual life is keeping me quite fully active.

Look for a blog with a little thought & soul by mid next week at least.

If You Give a Kid a Laxative, Don't Let Him Sleep In (TMI warning!)

2007-08-29T20:30:00.001-04:00

I should have seen it coming. I could have expected it and been prepared, or even prevented some of it. But no...I got hit full on because I didn't think it through.

Poop. Everywhere.

The pediatric nurse practitioner suggested that we continue to give Simon the Mira-lax till he effectively gets diarrhea. We gave it to him again yesterday, after he'd successfully pooped a few times. Because it's a powder laxative that goes in his drink, he only gets it when he drinks. He didn't drink much early in the day, so he effectively got a double dose at dinner. He didn't fall asleep till after 9pm, and we checked his diaper a few times right up until we heard him finally quiet down - no poop.

But this morning, I got up & got ready. I heard him talking in his crib, but he wasn't fussing so I took a few minutes to get dressed, put in my contacts & go to the bathroom. When I went in his room I was met with poop.

Simon was standing at the edge of the crib, poop covering him effectively shoulders to toes. It was all over the bed: sheets, crib rails, mattress pad. I stripped him down, gave him a quick "rinse off the poop" bath, dumped that water and gave him a clean bath. I called a friend to come hang out w/ Simon while I washed the bed, his pj's, diaper, everything. I had to take his sheet & mattress pad out to the curb & hose them off. For a moment I wished we used disposable diapers...I almost just threw the whole cloth diaper & everything away. But I didn't. I had to plunge & scrub the diaper in parts, and it took several flushes of the toilet to rinse it all away.

And then I didn't have enough laundry soap, so I had to stop & wash my hands, scoop up Simon & run to the Co-op to buy more laundry soap so I could finish washing everything.

It calls to mind images of so many movie scenes about the "tipping point" moments that make you pull your hair out as a mom. But I couldn't really get to that point, because I feel like I caused it. I gave the kid the laxative, put him to bed, and didn't get him up the first moment I heard him talking. Coulda, shoulda, didn't. Next time?

I have to say that Simon had more energy today than I've seen in a while. He weighs a few pounds less now, I think. And certainly his belly/guts feel better.

But it was probably the most disgusting thing I have ever - ever - experienced in my life.

Happy Vacation Moments, Chapter Eight - Some Views

2007-08-28T19:02:00.000-04:00

My dad has worked at a successful car dealership in Grand Rapids for more years than I've been around...thirty-some, I think. Growing up with him has cultivated an appreciation of cars & car-related experiences that I might not otherwise have. For example, I love to wash my own car in the driveway. Love it. Also, I love to go to car races. We had the opportunity to go to a race at the Berlin Raceway while we were in Michigan. This was the classic car race. I went with Dad, Adam & Jason - me & the guys! Fun.

After the car races were over, they did a big fireworks display. It was a well done show.

One of many gorgeous Lake Michigan sunsets, as seen through the trees from our cottage back porch.

When I was little, I thought sun beams through the clouds were glimpses of heaven. I don't have the same simple idea of heaven as I once did, but I think there may be some truth to that juvenile assessment.

Happy Vacation Moments, Chapter Seven - Family Lovin'

2007-08-28T18:51:00.000-04:00

Mom & her brother, my Uncle John, in a bear-squeeze on our cottage back porch

Adam got some snuggly love from our cousins' little boy, David. He's a teddy bear of a little guy.

Impromptu extended family photo op when we stopped by my aunt & uncle's cottage the night of the twins' birthdays. The family was having happy hour, and we were frantically trying to fit in the cake & presents & everything, so we didn't take the time to "perfect" the shot. It's the only extended family shot I have of the whole week though! And still so many people aren't present here.

Me & my sisters - looking "beached."

Happy Vacation Moments, Chapter Six - A Baby Chapter

2007-08-28T18:37:00.000-04:00

Mom with a bouyant pink marshmallow.

Jason found one too. These were happy moments for the adults...maybe not so much for Anna & Rachel.

Why was Rachel wearing Anna's bathing suit on her head? We may never know. But it was a happy moment, evidently. The photo made the cut for this chapter!

Simon & I had a quiet moment. Me with Harry Potter, he with a bucket. If this isn't heaven - what is?

Happy Vacation Moments, Chapter Five

2007-08-28T18:28:00.000-04:00

And I got to read - uninterrupted - a lot. In the middle of the day! I didn't have any "real life" responsibilities, and Simon was happily looked after by grandparents, aunts & uncles, cousins...
This was about halfway through Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows, I believe.

Family dinners. A tradition I love, and didn't realize was uncommon till after moving out of mom & dad's house. There's something magickal about a meal with your own family.

Baby-wearing! Brother-in-law Jason, Mom & I carry the kiddos for a walk on the beach.

Jason found other ways to carry babies too. Anna (and her tongue) look pretty happy about it!

Happy Vacation Moments, Chapter Four

2007-08-28T18:20:00.000-04:00

Melissa giving Becky a backrub. Now if THIS picture doesn't say "relaxing vacation," I don't know what does. Gotta love a sister!

Farmer's Market veggie hunting proved fruitful & delicious.

Playing cards, more cards, and another game of cards. This is something we love and just don't get enough of.

Rachel figured out the Rubik's Cube too. She's pretty smart.

Happy Vacation Moments, Chapter Three - Rozeboom Time

2007-08-28T18:11:00.000-04:00

Paul taught us how to solve a Rubik's Cube. Maybe I'll make it a goal to learn a new "amazing party trick" every time I go on vacation.

Uncle John catching a pause between wild wave rides.

Aunt Jeannie & Liesl watching the water.

Liesl hamming it up, upside down style.

Happy Vacation Moments - Chapter Two

2007-08-28T18:04:00.000-04:00

My dad, happily displaying his "oops." I think the porch door "bit" him for one of the spills, but the other one was just being clumsy. Maybe this wasn't his first glass of wine for the afternoon?

Adam, in a rare moment of complete solitude & relaxation. Family vacations are fun and worth the craziness, but they're not as relaxing as something quieter. Adam found some peace, for a moment at least.

My sister, Melissa, practicing her Karate Kid "crane kick." She's pretty good at it, actually. All those years of dance lessons gave that girl some great balance & grace...or maybe she had it anyway.

Adam, working on his kite a bit. He got it flying a few times in the somewhat fickle beach breezes.

The Price of Parenthood

2007-08-28T16:30:00.001-04:00

I just paid $75 for poop.

I finally brought Simon in to see a pediatric nurse practitioner today. She worked her magic, he pooped, and I wrote a check.

He seems to be functioning relatively normally now...I've had a few messy diapers since this morning's appointment.

The things you do as a mom that you'd never think of otherwise...pay $75 just to get a kid to fill his pants? And it was the sweetest moment...I almost cried with joy and relief.

Be Nice To Spiders...and their Families

2007-08-26T22:59:00.000-04:00

After finding her on our porch, I got online to research black widow spiders. For my own peace of mind I needed to know how aggressive they are, how territorial, how long they live, what might tempt them to come in my house & eat my face. I found out a few things that made me want to make sure that we didn't leave our new red-hourglass-bellied friend on our front porch.

I found out that the young females are the brightest red, and based on her color, ours was young. I found out that they can live for 5 years. I found out that they usually spend the first part of their life scoping out possible homes, and once they find one they like, they tend to stay put. I found out how many hundreds of offspring they typically produce in their life spans. The numbers & facts were too much to be comfortable, and then we found this up under the carport today:

I didn't feel very happy at all about that. We assume that it's the same spider, because based on the fact that black widows are sometimes cannibals - one of (if not THE) only spiders who actually kill & eat other spiders - she probably wouldn't share our front porch with another one. I guess we'll see. But we decided that she needed to be removed from our house immediately.

This is where my story differs from the story that would be told if this particular spider family had been on the front porch of my friend Tyler or my sister Melissa's house.

We didn't kill her or destroy the eggs. We just relocated them. Carefully.

Adam & Simon & I took a little walk around the neighborhood to scope out a place that would meet our main criteria:

it had to be within relatively short walking distance b/c we didn't want to have to carry her around for a long time.
it had to be far enough from our house that we felt reasonably assured she'd not find her way back to our homey porch.
it had to be far enough from anyone else's home that she wouldn't endanger our neighbors and/or be killed by one of them
it had to be a place unlikely to be trespassed by children or pets of ours or our neighbors.

We found a good spot that met all of the criteria so Adam swiped the spider & the eggs onto an old broom and took a little hike with her. Simon & I hung out and danced to Katie Day Good in the living room. He returned several minutes later after having successfully placed her in her new home.

I called Tyler to tell him that we'd taken care of her, but he was mortified that we'd let her ("and all those babies!") live. I told my parents and they reacted with some concern. I told them I must've read "Be Nice To Spiders" a few too many times as a child, and they responded by telling me they didn't think my sister read it at all. I know for a fact that she, without remorse, kills just about any crawly critter that comes within reach of her. I remember challenging her on such violent anti-bug tendencies, to which she responded "they should know better than to come that close to me." Oh well. I guess that's why I have a black widow setting up camp on my front porch and she doesn't. Word gets out through the bug underground that I'm a softy. The effect of their responses caused me to second-guess what I'd done (or not done, actually) and feel like maybe I'd done something wrong. I fretted, just a bit.

An hour or so later I was at the laundromat, drying Simon's diapers that we'd washed. Due to the thunderstorm, we knew they'd never dry on the line and we needed them urgently. I find that we go through diapers at least twice as fast when he's constipated, b/c he's not quite succeeding in his attempts to poo, but he's succeeding just enough to require a clean diaper. Anyway, I view going to the laundromat as an opportunity to read, uninterrupted, for a half hour while my laundry dries. I'd been meaning to start a new book, The Language of God by Francis S. Collins, so I brought it along & got through the introduction & chapter one before the diapers finished.

Within that first chapter, I found a story that validated my choice to kindly relocate our albino-challenged spouse-less arachnid. I immediately ceased fretting. I'll leave you with it. The author relays that it is a Sufi story, told by Benedictine nun Sister Joan Chittister, and notes that he found it in What Does It Mean To Be Human? Reverence for Life Reaffirmed by Responses from Around the World.

Once upon a time there was an old woman who used to meditate on the bank of the Ganges. One morning, finishing her meditation, she saw a scorpion floating helplessly in the strong current. As the scorpion was pulled closer, it got caught in roots that branched out far into the river. The scorpion struggled frantically to free itself but got more and more entangled. She immediately reached out to the drowning scorpion, which, as soon as she touched it, stung her. The old woman withdrew her hand but, having regained her balance, once again tried to save the creature. Every time she tried, however, the scorpion's tail stung her so badly that her hands became bloody and her face distorted with pain. A passerby who saw the old woman struggling with the scorpion shouted, "What's wrong with you, fool! Do you want to kill yourself to save that ugly thing?" Looking into the stranger's eyes, she answered, "Because it is the nature of the scorpion to sting, why should I deny my own nature to save it?"

Happy Vacation Moments, Chapter One

2007-08-25T16:03:00.000-04:00

I started posting happy vacation moments on Simon's blog, but I thought I'd share some here too. Not every happy moment had Simon completely stealing the limelight...there was magic in the WHOLE family being together. Here's the first installment - I needed to post some joy after the "stuck" entry.
Adam, Simon, Dad & sister Melissa - chilling on the porch, watching one of several lovely Lake Michigan sunsets.

My dad & my Simon snuggling & watching the sun set. Something about seeing the men in my life (whether my hubby or my dad) loving my son is just heartwarming & tear-producing every time.

Dad looking "zoomy." This is after a wild Sea-doo ride.

My fabulous neice, Sam, giving me a smooch. She's amazing. We didn't get to see her as much as we wanted to, but we made the most of the time we had!

Stuck (TMI warning)

2007-08-25T15:30:00.000-04:00

Our whole family is constipated. Not literally; only Simon has that unhappy designation. But if you've ever been around someone who has been trying, unsuccessfully, to poop for a week - well, you know how stuck you feel. We've been on the phone with nurses & supporters, and it's so far nothing to be concerned about other than the discomfort & stress for all of us. Come Monday and our favorite pediatric nurse practitioner's return to her office, we'll probably take him in.

I think constipation is as much emotional & psychological as it is physical. I don't mean that it's psychosomatic, or that you create it for yourself through stuck feelings & thoughts, but that in the presence of physical constipation you become emotionally & psychologically stuck also.

My husband & I have done a lot of "just going through the motions" this week - we're operating very much on habitual routines. Some things that we're normally disciplined about (like dishes) are stacking up, and our relationship has been somewhat monotonous & dry.

When one thing gets stuck - in this case our baby's intestinal & rectal function - everything slows down. Nothing's moving this week in our house.

Boy, I hope some movement happens soon.

Yikes

2007-08-25T00:14:00.000-04:00

How far does my kindness to spiders go? I'm not sure about this one...we just found this lovely large black widow living just outside our front door - about a foot from the front hose spigot.

She IS assisting us with cockroach population control.

Vest & Hat Combo

2007-08-23T18:40:00.000-04:00

This is a vest & hat combo that I've made for several babies. I first tried to make it for Simon, but found that the head opening in the vest wasn't big enough. I've yet to go back & fix his, but I've made it at least a few more times to give as gifts. The pattern is from a great silly book of patterns for kids - it's called Monkey Suits by Sharon Turner. The pattern for the little "rasta hat" I gave to David Daniel is in that book too. It's a favorite book, so I wanted to give due credit. :)

Projects of Pride, again

2007-08-23T18:34:00.000-04:00

This was another project - a hat for little David Daniel.

I made Simon model it before we wrapped it up for David.

The blocks, close-up. I was very proud to give them, b/c my sister (the twins' mom) is also a knitter - and she knew exactly how much work it took.

Small Pride

2007-08-23T18:29:00.000-04:00

Before heading out to Michigan for our vacation last month, I spent many hours knitting projects to give as gifts. Below are a few.

Rachel with her knitted name blocks.

Anna with her name blocks plus a heart & a smiley face. Adam said I needed to make sure both girls got the same number of blocks.

To make these 12 blocks, I had to knit 72 small squares, stuff them all, and sew up 144 seams. I don't recommend making blocks unless you aren't easily thwarted by tedium.

The Curious Habits of Arachnids

2007-08-23T17:13:00.000-04:00

The spider pictured here is about 3 inches long if you include leg span. Kinda big, a little creepy, highly fascinating. He lives at the edge of our carport. There's another spider, not quite as large, who lives off the back porch overhang.

For several days consecutively we have watched these two curious specimens and attempted to photograph them. They're rather mysterious, as we never see them in the daylight. Are spiders nocturnal? Doubt it. But they're smart enough to stay out of the 95 degree New Mexico sun, I suppose. Every evening at dusk we see them both spin out of their hiding places & steadily re-weave the webs they weave every night. I don't know if the spiders dismantle them or if the webs are damaged by birds or weather, but every evening they patch & mend & weave anew. A discipline of hope, don't you think? Inspiring. Sometimes we leave the back porch light on to draw more critters to the area so the back porch arachnid gets nice & fat.

Who knew that reading "Be Nice To Spiders" as a child would evolve into such respect for our eight-legged squatters? Almost makes me not want to tear down the carport. Almost.

How I Learned to Love My Country Just a Little Bit More; or Why I'm Thankful for Newsweek

2007-08-16T17:30:00.000-04:00

Whenever I have a friend or family member tell me about their international travels, their amazement at the beauty & complexity of the culture, I feel like the US is lacking a little something. And when asked about favorite foods - how many people answer w/ a country? "Anything Mexican" or something. What's the US cuisine? Do we HAVE any?

I haven't traveled internationally (yet) so I haven't had the experience of another culture outside of the US, but I sometimes feel that our nation is culturally less rich, or beautiful, or tasty.

Upon reading a special report in Newsweek about Islam in America, I found something that makes me love our crazy country just a little more. A few sentences by Keith Ellison, the Democrat from Minnesota who is Congress's first Muslim:

The U.S. is founded on the idea that we're all connected to a set of ideas, not a set of histories. For all our criticisms, the idea of America is an amazing thing - a society organized around a set of principles instead of around racial or cultural identity.

That's a beautiful thing, for all our imperfections.

August 13

2007-08-13T18:54:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday Mom! We love you!

Being Nice

2007-08-13T16:59:00.000-04:00

I've been newly inspired to blog after a lively online "chat" with a long-distance friend. I often feel like what I might write about will either be too inconsequential to be worth writing or too heated to be palatable to my friendly readers, so I paralyze myself into not writing.

But mostly I think I'm a pretty hopeful, happy person...so it shouldn't be too hard to write something nice even if it's also tough, right? We'll see!

For now I have just one thing to say: I have found, caught and released outside no less than THREE very quick, slightly too-large to like spiders today. Ew. But just know that if you're ever near me, I have a designated "bug catcher cup" for exactly this purpose.

I don't like spiders much, but ever since reading "Be Nice to Spiders" as a child I realized that I'd rather have a spider or two around than all the other critters that they eat...so I try to be nice. If they are too close for comfort, I catch & release them. If they are on my ceiling, I let them be. If they are cockroaches, I'm not nearly so compassionate, I fear. Maybe that's a children's book in progress..."Be Nice to Cockroaches." I doubt it.

But I've been proven wrong many times before!

Inertia Works

2007-08-07T02:07:00.000-04:00

This is my family. Cute stuff, huh? Mom got the whim to do a matchy beach picture, and we complied. Overall, we got 80+ pictures taken by a cousin ("amateur" photographer, I guess?)...and now we have to sort through them all. It's like looking at wedding pictures again, in a way...dozens upon dozens of photos of the same people, positioned just slightly differently, and you really only need about 3 pictures to capture it. But still fun. Anyway, that was last week. I'm home from vacation now.

Thus the title of this entry: inertia works. I'm still in vacation mode in so many ways...like most things related to my computer. It was strange & lovely to not have computer access for a full week. But now I've paralyzed myself from blogging b/c I feel too overwhelmed with everything I haven't written. So I'll just do a list. Or a few.

Some things I learned or realized while on vacation with my family:

I love visiting the place I'm from, but Silver City is really my home now.
How to solve a Rubik's Cube...almost.
That I really do get along well with my family & love hanging out with them. This isn't really new, but it's fun to be reminded of. Sometimes it gets tricky to balance my roles as wife & mom with my roles of daughter & sister, but I generally manage okay.
I don't enjoy traveling anymore. I like being where I'm going, but the journey itself isn't fun anymore. I tried to post a quote about this on my blog home from the computer at my parents' house, but it didn't show up:
The saying "Getting there is half the fun" became obsolete with the advent of commercial airlines. - Henry J. Tillman
We never quite get to spend enough time with my spouse's family, especially his sister & niece. They're really fun, they love Simon & he adores them right back, but somehow it never quite works out. This is disappointing. We see his mom a little more, but still infrequently, and almost never see his step-dad for more than an hour. This year we DID get to spend a few hours with the whole extended family on his side though, which was great. We got to re-connect w/ some cousins who also moved away, so the logistics worked in our favor this time.

Some things Simon learned while on vacation in Michigan:

Balloons sometimes go to "balloon heaven" when the helium is quicker than the hand.
Bubbles are mesmerizing.
Beaches are mesmerizing.
Sand is hard to walk in.
That Grandma & Grandpa have names. They are "ama" & "ama." (Sometimes "grandpa" is "ampa," but the extra consonant isn't often too clear.)

Some memorable moments:

Our rental car had "FU" scratched into the paint of the trunk. We got a magnet from my parents house to cover it while we had the car; it was a photo & "blurb" about a missionary from their church. We then ran into him in town, and he laughed quite hard.
We got to go to a car race at Berlin Raceway w/ my dad & brother-in-law. Classic cars, recent models, crashes, beer, fireworks...fun night.
My sister is really funny. We already knew that, but we saw her in one of her funnier forms - performing with the improvisational comedy group she's part of. My favorite moment was when she was a giddy ballerina waiting in line at midnight for the new Harry Potter book to hit the shelves in a Western style skit. Priceless.
My other sister has twin girls who had their first birthday(s) while we were together. It was a marathon birthday party day, complete with pictures, cakes (several of them...Simon even got one!) and an inordinate amount of gifts. I wonder how many boxes they ended up having to ship back home?
Beach bonfires are the best...especially when they involve fun cousins, a drink, and funny stories. Lovely. Not so lovely, however, when they all intersect in just the wrong way and the beer gets snorted into the sinuses. Ouch ouch ouch. But still worth it.

Things I love about vacation:

Family. They're good. We love them, and even like them! It's a blessing to have the ability to spend time with them all. And friends too...some of them feel like family.
Time to read. I read all of Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows in a few days.
Different meal experiences. We rotated dinner responsibility, and we had some fabulous meals.
The lack of agenda. Even though my highly organized self gets a little crazy, it's actually really nice to experience a significant drop in responsibilites & busy agendas.
All the unexpected moments & conversations & photos that last, and therefore sustain the vacation much longer than the week or two it actually took.

Heard

2007-08-03T02:29:00.000-04:00

I feel like I might be starting to learn what discernment means. I am deeply, richly blessed. I am experiencing peace in my life, amidst crazy busyness. I think I might be learning how to listen to the call of the Divine.

Hubby

2007-07-17T01:03:00.000-04:00

This is my husband.

He got new glasses. I like them. A lot. I think he looks pretty sexy.

Queen Vacillation

2007-07-12T02:08:00.000-04:00

Oh, Bethany -

When will you ever get good at decisiveness? When will you stop waiting for the "right" choice to smack you in the face, and instead operate with the best you've got, and have some faith?

Just when I think something might make sense, a thought or feeling - a conversation or moment in time - occurs and changes it all.

I guess this is something to be grateful for, and something I can attribute to the larger plan for my life that the Divine Mystery (God/dess) has for my life. Maybe it's grace in disguise. By keeping me on my toes just enough to keep my attention God proves to me (through me) that I don't have all the answers...never have, never can, never will, never should, never want to.

Life really is more exciting when you don't have the illusion of total control, but it's still a bit of a shock to be reminded of my limited vision.

A friend said tonight (I paraphrase): five years ago who knew that you'd be where you are today? And five years from today?

It's a mystery. My illusions of certainty crumble somewhat regularly; I ask for it, and yet I'm always surprised.

Don't Be Blue

2007-07-06T23:00:00.000-04:00

I have funky hair again. Last summer I dyed the full rainbow into my hair for gay pride month & the 4th of July parade. This year I decided to do something a little simpler. I let the stylist do a funky cut with lots of layers, and I got blond highlights...accented with bright blue "lowlights."

My hair is my favorite accessory. And it will always grow out and be something different, so it's a fun canvas for creativity.

Don't worry, mom - the blue will probably wash out in a month or less. But in the meantime, I'm having fun!

4th of July

2007-07-05T22:19:00.000-04:00

Most people's 4th of July activities & involvements are full of red, white & blue...ours was full of red, orange, yellow, green, blue & violet. Again, this year, we put our energy into PFLAG - Parents, Families & Friends of Lesbians And Gays - and walked as a family of allies in the parade. This year we decided not to do anything political or controversial, which was a nice feeling. In our country right now there's a lot of intensity around same-sex marriage, the intersection (or conflict) of homosexuality & Christianity... but we stepped beyond it to simply, happily, lovingly acknowledge our families.

The parade theme was "Grant County: Past, Present & Future," so our sign simply said "Families: Our Past, Present & Future." We all wore solid shirts of the colors in the rainbow, played with rainbow beach balls & blew bubbles, and handed out proud and allied buttons & rainbow bracelets. It was a "palatable" entry this time, and we experienced predominantly supportive, cheering responses. It was especially sweet when kids would jump up from their seats on the curb, watching, and play in the bubbles or throw back a beach ball blown astray. We truly seemed to bring joy to the festivities this year. I only saw one small group of 4 individuals turn their backs as we passed by, and personally I heard no negative jeers.

Even though it was minimal, it's still heart-wrenching to me when I experience this kind of judgment & discrimination for supporting & loving my gay, lesbian, bisexual & transgendered friends & family. I'm grateful for the opportunity to ally myself with such a loving LGBT family as I find here in Silver City. I'm grateful that family doesn't have to be limited to the people we were born sharing a gene pool with, and that our family of choice includes such a colorful array of people. :)

Locally Grown

2007-07-03T12:08:00.000-04:00

Medical marijuana in New Mexico...

What a crazy state I live in.

In my Co-op "world" we spend a lot of time & energy with the promotion of local products...not necessarily organic ones. Organic standards aren't what they should be, and in some countries may not be enforced as we'd expect. The benefits of organic are clear, but when faced w/ a choice between foods grown 20 miles from my home that might not be organic and foods labeled organic at the grocery store but wrapped in plastic and shipped from Ecuador...well, local wins out for me.

If only we could get the state to put such resources into ensuring that New Mexicans have the necessary support & legislation to make local food production a priority.

Other than Self

2007-07-02T11:15:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I'm deeply aware of all the things I'm not, all the places I don't live, all the experiences I'll never have. I say this not in a depressed or defeated spirit, but simply with some clarity about who I am and the choices I've made. There's a song I know: "There's a road that I can not go down/choosing one path leaves the other out/there's a road, there's a way/there's a road to a better day and/the road less traveled I'll be on." I think this is why I so often fall prey to indecisiveness; not everything can be "both/and," so I end up having to eliminate an option by choosing a different one.

This past weekend I watched two more movies out of India and we also went to a local theater production at an amazing outdoor venue. The play was Shakespeare's "A Midsummer Night's Dream," which is trance- and dream-like in effect. I felt altered - into a different place, time, and self.

I'll never be Indian. I'll never look or sing or dance like the beautiful Bollywood actresses. I'll never act as well as the folks involved with the local Virus theater.

In fact, I'll never have a different past. I'll never be able to experience a different version of growing up. I cannot and will not ever be native to a different place than Grand Rapids, MI USA.

Obviously, as much of this has to do with my choice as my circumstance. I potentially could act and do it well, but I don't choose to spend my energy there, so I won't.

Watching these things reinforce the finiteness of my personhood & experience and serve to make me aware of the choices I've made, thus limiting my life in a way I desire. I'm reminded of the things in life I'm grateful for, and have chosen in good faith.

This is such a stereotypical "coming of age" sort of realization, and I'm almost a little impatient with myself for thinking that it's worthy of a blog entry. You all know it's nothing new, and yet every time someone becomes just a little more aware - a little more conscious of self - it is akin to lighting one more candle. The collective brightness of attentiveness isn't trivial.

My Classic Butt

2007-06-22T18:57:00.000-04:00

I am inexorably drawn to vehicles with bumper stickers. Especially the vehicles with an excessive amount of them - like to the point where you wonder how they even see out of their rear window at all, because the bumper alone was tragically insufficient to hold them all. I like to read all the stickers and try to see what I learn about a person from them. I'm also intrigued by those vehicles with just one well-placed sticker. Bumper stickers seem to be a bit like tattoos - you either have none, or you're always adding more.

My dad taught me not to put stickers on my car. And there are so many good reasons not to. But I can't resist. Which is also why I have two tattoos & have been metaphorically shaky with ink-addiction for 5+ years now.

These are the stickers on the back end of my Chevy Classic. Mostly they are either magnets or stuck to the inside of the window with a little tape, therefore easily removable. What can you learn about me?

And I have to say that I experienced a smidgen of bliss today. There was a mini-van behind me at a red light; a man driving and his 10-year old son as passenger. I noticed them in my rear-view mirror, and proceeded to watch them with much amusement. They were intently reading my stickers. At one point, they inched the van forward a little - just a bit closer - both craning their necks & mouthing the words as they read. I think they were having trouble with the dark portal - it's not as easy to read from a distance, I'd expect.

The light changed to green, so I proceeded, although I felt a little sad. I wanted them to be able to finish reading, but I couldn't sit there in a traffic lane. We didn't go far, and hit another red light. The van inched closer again. Both "boys" were mouthing the words again, trying to read the rest of it. And just before the light turned to green, I saw them both break out into smiles & chuckles, the elder of the two shaking his head a bit.

Now that's exactly why I have stickers. Well, that one anyway. :)

Sometimes I'm Proud of Myself

2007-06-21T16:26:00.000-04:00

And maybe it's not socially acceptable to herald oneself (unless you're in a job interview), but sometimes it is better for my soul if I just grin and say, "You know what? I did a good job."

Sometimes I'm amazed at what things become big challenges for me and what things actually come off quite smoothly & painlessly. I was recently given a brochure to re-create for an organization affiliated with our church. I was also sick a lot. I got an email from one of the people who was anxious to get it, so I tucked in and tackled it. And it's beautiful. I couldn't find comparable graphics, so I scanned them into my photo editor, cropped them & cleaned them up, and re-inserted the same images.

The details of this particular little task are somewhat dull, I realize, but I notice that I have this pattern of doing things that might not be easy. The pastor asked if I could recreate his signature for something, so I found it jotted on a note he'd written me, scanned & cropped it, and now I can use it at the end of his monthly note in the newsletter as well as any other letters. Again, a little thing, but a nice effect.

In this age of technology there's almost nothing that can't be done, I realize, but I have significant limitations. However, I am innovative and thorough. I find creative & effective ways to get done the things I need or want to do, and I do them well. I think that's kind of a big deal, and I'm glad I have that nature and ability.

I guess one way to make this more palatable, to a portion of the population, is to say that I am thankful for these gifts God has blessed me with.

And while it's not untrue, I do thank God, I think it's a little more organic of a process. For example, I think my dad is particularly innovative & thorough. Often when I'm faced with a tricky thing that needs a solution, I think through it with him as part of the voice in my head. And God put me in my family so I'd have my dad, so I'd learn this way.

I guess this is a little pat on the back to my dad too. Kind of a virtual and belated Father's Day note. :)

Feeling "Off"

2007-06-19T19:05:00.001-04:00

It's been a few months now, actually, since I've really felt physically whole & well & like myself. 'Tis frustrating, to say the least. Some days I just pretend I feel fine & go out & do what I need to do - and I crash & pay for it later. I finally started taking a few proactive steps, though, so hopefully I'm doing some things that are right for me and I'll be back up to par soon.

In the meantime, I'm watching some great films & reading an excessive number of books. It's great. I've got a 3.5 hour Indian (Bollywood) film waiting for me one of these nights when I remember to start it early enough. And I've been getting lots of knitting done. I'll post some pictures soon of a few of my latest projects, if you're interested.

And today I even did some housework. Whoo-hoo! Weird, actually, that that's significant. That means at some point I got very used to just doing the housework, and it became "my" job. Adam tries to help out, sometimes, but often forgets to. Equally as often, though, he's busy with work and school, so I can't fully blame him. I have to give that man kudos, actually. For a few months now it's been pretty rare that I plan or prepare a meal, and I often don't even do regular grocery shopping. I also haven't often had the energy to feed & clean up Simon, so he ends up doing almost everything in the evenings & weekends. He's probably as anxious for me to be fully well as I am!

I'm going to stay hopeful, and trust that wellness will again claim me.

Also

2007-06-14T00:25:00.000-04:00

There are at least crickets (loud ones) and cockroaches (gross scuttly ones...but are there any others?) living IN the wall dividing the kitchen from our den/office/guest room. Yikes. Adam thinks they're breeding, and soon we'll have scuttly chirping hopping crickroaches and cockets. Hehe. Ew.