Discernment is a Doozy

Another big decision is before me.

I have all these great "tools" to help me make decisions, and I get supportive guidance from various mentors in my life, and yet every time I have a decision before me I find myself asking the same questions.

How do I know what to do?

I've been on our Co-op's Board of Directors for almost 3 years now, this third year as Board President. My term is ending this fall, and I have to decide whether or not to run for election again. But there are so many factors...other organizations and informal involvements I'd like to commit more time & energy to, my spouse & son, as well as a possible 2nd pregnancy in the not-too-incredibly-distant future. I currently feel like I'm pretty much at capacity with regard to commitments and obligations. I am tempted by the possibility of a situation where I'm NOT at capacity, and maybe have more to give in other places.

It's the question of my gifts & talents & passions, and who most needs them? My spouse & child, first of all. And then who? And what do I need to do to feel inspired & passionate & proactively, effectively busy while avoiding stress and over-taxed energy?

Every time I sit & weigh my options, I change my mind again. Just when I think I'm sure I know what I want/need to do, something switches again.

When I talked to Amy this morning again, I heard her effectively saying that she is sort of clinging to something and maybe not for great reasons. I said something about how hard it is to close one door without knowing what the next one will be to open, or when it will happen, but that sometimes you have to leave the first thing before the next thing can open to you. Why don't I take my own advice? Maybe I should just allow this door to gracefully close, and then see what God has in store for me next.

Maybe I'll be president of our local PFLAG, or at least get more actively involved. Maybe I'll join the revitalization committee for our church. Maybe I'll add more hours to my part-time job. Maybe I'll spend more deliberate time with my spouse and my son, and nurture those family relationships since they've been strained by busyness lately. Maybe I'll get pregnant again. Maybe I'll spend lots of time & energy in preparation for seminary - by doing some preliminary reading & writing & meditation & praying.

Maybe I could just let go of my need to fill my agenda, and let doors open or paths unfold at the will and in the timing of the Lord.