My Classic Butt

I am inexorably drawn to vehicles with bumper stickers. Especially the vehicles with an excessive amount of them - like to the point where you wonder how they even see out of their rear window at all, because the bumper alone was tragically insufficient to hold them all. I like to read all the stickers and try to see what I learn about a person from them. I'm also intrigued by those vehicles with just one well-placed sticker. Bumper stickers seem to be a bit like tattoos - you either have none, or you're always adding more.

My dad taught me not to put stickers on my car. And there are so many good reasons not to. But I can't resist. Which is also why I have two tattoos & have been metaphorically shaky with ink-addiction for 5+ years now.

These are the stickers on the back end of my Chevy Classic. Mostly they are either magnets or stuck to the inside of the window with a little tape, therefore easily removable. What can you learn about me?

And I have to say that I experienced a smidgen of bliss today. There was a mini-van behind me at a red light; a man driving and his 10-year old son as passenger. I noticed them in my rear-view mirror, and proceeded to watch them with much amusement. They were intently reading my stickers. At one point, they inched the van forward a little - just a bit closer - both craning their necks & mouthing the words as they read. I think they were having trouble with the dark portal - it's not as easy to read from a distance, I'd expect.

The light changed to green, so I proceeded, although I felt a little sad. I wanted them to be able to finish reading, but I couldn't sit there in a traffic lane. We didn't go far, and hit another red light. The van inched closer again. Both "boys" were mouthing the words again, trying to read the rest of it. And just before the light turned to green, I saw them both break out into smiles & chuckles, the elder of the two shaking his head a bit.

Now that's exactly why I have stickers. Well, that one anyway. :)

Sometimes I'm Proud of Myself

And maybe it's not socially acceptable to herald oneself (unless you're in a job interview), but sometimes it is better for my soul if I just grin and say, "You know what? I did a good job."

Sometimes I'm amazed at what things become big challenges for me and what things actually come off quite smoothly & painlessly. I was recently given a brochure to re-create for an organization affiliated with our church. I was also sick a lot. I got an email from one of the people who was anxious to get it, so I tucked in and tackled it. And it's beautiful. I couldn't find comparable graphics, so I scanned them into my photo editor, cropped them & cleaned them up, and re-inserted the same images.

The details of this particular little task are somewhat dull, I realize, but I notice that I have this pattern of doing things that might not be easy. The pastor asked if I could recreate his signature for something, so I found it jotted on a note he'd written me, scanned & cropped it, and now I can use it at the end of his monthly note in the newsletter as well as any other letters. Again, a little thing, but a nice effect.

In this age of technology there's almost nothing that can't be done, I realize, but I have significant limitations. However, I am innovative and thorough. I find creative & effective ways to get done the things I need or want to do, and I do them well. I think that's kind of a big deal, and I'm glad I have that nature and ability.

I guess one way to make this more palatable, to a portion of the population, is to say that I am thankful for these gifts God has blessed me with.

And while it's not untrue, I do thank God, I think it's a little more organic of a process. For example, I think my dad is particularly innovative & thorough. Often when I'm faced with a tricky thing that needs a solution, I think through it with him as part of the voice in my head. And God put me in my family so I'd have my dad, so I'd learn this way.

I guess this is a little pat on the back to my dad too. Kind of a virtual and belated Father's Day note. :)

Feeling "Off"

It's been a few months now, actually, since I've really felt physically whole & well & like myself. 'Tis frustrating, to say the least. Some days I just pretend I feel fine & go out & do what I need to do - and I crash & pay for it later. I finally started taking a few proactive steps, though, so hopefully I'm doing some things that are right for me and I'll be back up to par soon.

In the meantime, I'm watching some great films & reading an excessive number of books. It's great. I've got a 3.5 hour Indian (Bollywood) film waiting for me one of these nights when I remember to start it early enough. And I've been getting lots of knitting done. I'll post some pictures soon of a few of my latest projects, if you're interested.

And today I even did some housework. Whoo-hoo! Weird, actually, that that's significant. That means at some point I got very used to just doing the housework, and it became "my" job. Adam tries to help out, sometimes, but often forgets to. Equally as often, though, he's busy with work and school, so I can't fully blame him. I have to give that man kudos, actually. For a few months now it's been pretty rare that I plan or prepare a meal, and I often don't even do regular grocery shopping. I also haven't often had the energy to feed & clean up Simon, so he ends up doing almost everything in the evenings & weekends. He's probably as anxious for me to be fully well as I am!

I'm going to stay hopeful, and trust that wellness will again claim me.

Also

There are at least crickets (loud ones) and cockroaches (gross scuttly ones...but are there any others?) living IN the wall dividing the kitchen from our den/office/guest room. Yikes. Adam thinks they're breeding, and soon we'll have scuttly chirping hopping crickroaches and cockets. Hehe. Ew.

My Grown-Up Neice

I had to share, because I finally got a picture of her. Well, I stole it off her MySpace account. Sam is a bit older than my other neices...and on the other side of the country from them...but no less lovely. :) In fact, she can do all sorts of things with her hair! Yay - family in Michigan - I'm getting so excited to see everyone!

My Baby Nieces

Here are Rachel (left) and Anna (right) - my identical twin nieces. They are 10 months old, and my sister (their momma) just found these great "grippy no slippy" bows. I just had to share them. I can't wait for our summer family vacation in just over a month - Simon and the girls will be great entertainment for all us geeky adults. And I think they'll enjoy each other's company too. :)

Many Faces of Evil

It's currently 3am.

I wonder if there actually is a devil, a Satan, who interferes in the lives of individuals in very subtle and very real ways. Ways like sleep prevention.

Tonight is a little different, because I actually crashed early (9:30, maybe?) but on the couch. Around midnight when my husband woke me up to go to bed, I groggily brushed my teeth & got into pajamas, but have remained unable to fall back asleep.

My brain is busy, my body will not stay relaxed. I've been reading the Harry Potter books, as you might have noticed by my "current input" list. Tonight I finished book 6, which is the last one till 7 comes out in a month or so. And since I can't jump into the next book yet, I'm spending my time tonight in bed thinking about the books & what might occur in the final installment. Sheesh. It is a compelling series, but it's not worth the energy I'm investing in it. I remember when my sister got into reading the HP books, and then when my husband did, and I was really irritated b/c they effectively shut everything else that is vital life out until they were done reading. I, too, became what I resented.

But Harry Potter is only a fraction of what's been running through my brain.

Not only have I not been reading anything to nurture my soul, but I've been only minimally keeping up with housework and other "home" responsibilities...following up on necessary phone calls and the like.

I've got a meeting with my spiritual director in just under 7 hours. Normally this is cause for me to anticipate with joy a great discussion, but tonight I'm haunted by the fact that I'm spiritually deficient. I've been wholly focused on trying to medicate myself to sleep, reading Harry Potter, and doing all the work required for my church & co-op deadlines.

Also, there is a really big cockroach in the middle of the room. I trapped it under a plastic cup with daisies painted on it. Every now & then I think I hear something going "click clickety click" and I just know the cockroach is scuttling around forcefully enough to tip over the cup, thus freeing itself and proceeding to recklessly procreate in my closet so the spawns of its loins take over my house. But I'm so convinced that cockroaches can't be killed that I'm not sure how to even try.

And I need a shower. And I really need to follow up with the contractors who might do some work on our house, or at least might be able to refer me to someone who can. I have to get stuff ready for Simon for Monday when he starts his toddler program. I have to pick up all the styrofoam peanuts that are all over the backyard. Again. I don't know how it happens, but at least every few weeks we have peanuts all over the yard again. Where do they come from? Really? If there's one thing that I think is the devil manifest through the efforts of humankind it's styrofoam peanuts. They are truly evil. I have to do dishes. I have to get the bulletins over to church before Sunday morning. I have to grocery shop - we have no food in the house. It smells like rain, and I've got an entire clothesline full of 3 or 4 loads of clean, supposedly drying, laundry. I should send back the Netflix movie I watched the other night. I need to see about getting some sort of DVD player cleaner, or buy a new one.

And on and on and on. Do you see how pointless and unceasing my mental flood is?

In the Newsweek magazine I was reading, I found a quick "Spring Health" advertisement called "Good Night - And Good Luck" by Jo Cavallo.

A few quick highlights: "some 40 million Americans suffer from chronic sleep disorders, and 20 million more have occasional bouts of disrupted sleep."

"Other tips that can help you get more Zs:

• Avoid daytime naps.
• Don’t have caffeine after lunch.
• Avoid exercising within six hours of bedtime.
• Schedule time during the day to deal with things that are making you worry.
• Maintain a regular schedule for meals, medications and other activities, in order to keep your body clock running smoothly."

So...lots of people share my situation, and the solution is to try to maintain a healthy schedule? Not incredibly helpful. Especially when I seem to have the opposite reaction to things like caffeine or sleep aids. Or when it might be another instance of sin in the world.

I don't really know what I think about sin/evil/Satan. I deliberately don't spend much time thinking on it. It's not like I ignore it, or think there's no such thing, exactly...more like I just don't feel like spending time on something that doesn't seem worth it to me. It seems more important to spend my energy on trying to listen for God in my experience, and to follow the promptings of the Spirit of Truth. But I'm obviously not doing this in my life right now, which is why I'm not sure about my meeting with my spiritual director in just over 6 hours. Not like I'll get graded for poor performance or anything, but I feel a little embarrassed at myself.

So here I sit, four minutes of four in the morning, and I'm wondering whether evil is most prominently in my life through styrofoam, cockroaches, or the fact that I'm awake to be able to think about them.

Self Experiment

I've become my own scientific experiment again. Last Friday, after a bit of coffee and a flurry of filing, I joined my husband & son in the kitchen for breakfast on Friday. However, I wasn't able to eat, and quickly decided I needed rest. I pretty much didn't get off the couch again till Monday night for a few hours. I napped periodically and then didn't sleep again at night.

Adam went out and got me some Tylenol PM after three days of dysfunctional sleep & temperamental appetite, and I thought that would help me reestablish a semi-normal sleep/wake routine.

Alas - if only!

I took the Tylenol PM for two nights in a row, to my detriment. Both nights I'd start to feel like I might be slipping off into sleep and then I'd get the jitters. I'd lay there and constantly fight the urge to twitch & wriggle, or get up and run around & flail. The third night, I paused before opening the bottle and asked Adam if he thought it might be directly caused by the Tylenol. He looked at the ingredients & said he recognized one of them as an ingredient in some sleep-aid pills he's looked at before. He then reminded me that sometimes people have the opposite reaction to certain drug chemicals, and suggested that I brew a small pot of caffeinated coffee before bed instead.

I haven't done that yet, but I'm thinking about it now. When I have coffee during the day I do often feel more sluggish afterwards. Psychologically coffee wakes me up, but it could just be because it's a hot drink, so I'm staying alert to drink it w/o burning myself.

So now I become my own experiment. What can I do to encourage my body to get into a normal, healthy sleep pattern? What do I do in the mornings to bolster energy if I'm still sleepy? We'll see what I come up with.

My Grown Up Little Boy

Simon is officially a year and a half old as of last Friday. He's talking a lot, and has finally gotten very good at (and very interested in) walking all over the place. It was a bit of a shock when we realized that he was not only just toddling around, sometimes letting go of the furniture, but actually walking around - even stepping over obstacles or turning around to walk the other direction. That takes a lot of coordination, which I think as adults we often take for granted.

Actually, maybe I don't take coordination & balance for granted so much. My husband is a clumsy guy, and I'm not exactly graceful. For whatever reason, we do more than our fair share of clunking into walls and furniture that hasn't moved in years, exclaiming "how did that get there?”

But I digress. Simon is currently no less clumsy than we are, which is saying…well, not much I guess. But we still think he’s amazing. And since he’s actually, objectively walking (style & grace notwithstanding), he meets the criteria to be a toddler.

And not just our criteria, but that of our local Guadalupe Montessori School, which means he qualifies to be part of their toddler programs. My baby’s going to school! Well, sort of.

Today I registered him for two summer sessions (2 weeks each session, for 4 weeks total) in the toddler program. It’ll only be mornings, 8:30AM-11:30AM, and only up to 5 other toddlers will be in the program with him…two of whom we already know, as they are children of friends of ours. I talked to the woman in the office about the school year, and currently they only have a few toddlers enrolled for the semester toddler program. If Simon likes the summer sessions and it seems like a good fit for our family, we might be enrolling him for mornings with the toddler program for the whole school year.

And that makes me feel the very first glimmers of “empty nest” syndrome, or something akin to it. My little guy going to school? Granted, he still won’t speak in complete sentences for a while, much less read or write, but I’m constantly amazed by the local Montessori kids I know. They are helpful and courteous and well socialized. Simon loves to be around other kids – he’s not shy at all, and is learning not to be too aggressive with little ones. Today at a lunch meeting he gently patted 9-month-old Lily’s head repeatedly, and she mostly smiled back at him. And the idea of actually having meetings that don’t have so much of a chaos factor due to his busyness…well, that’s enticing.

We’ll see how it goes. Now I have to gather all the items required for a toddler in the summer program and make sure his name gets on them all. Check back next week at Simon’s blog – I’m sure he’ll have lots to say about his first experience with school!

Killer Hail

This is being posted late...we got the hail storm last week, but I thought I'd share it anyway. Pretty much killed all the fruit plants in our yard - two grapevines, and four fruit trees (peaches & apricots.) Oh well. Maybe next year!

A Long Long Night...a Long Long Morning

It's ten minutes to 6am, and I'm finally giving up. Sleep often doesn't happen for me, tonight is yet another sleepless night. I've got the coffee brewing and I'm choosing to start my day early instead of jamming the earplugs in further and squinting out the light of dawn.

Now. What to do with myself? Probably I won't just sit and blog. Time to find something productive to do with myself.

And a Co-op Board meeting in 3 hours. Sigh.