I'm leaving in the morning for effectively 4 days. Tomorrow is a travel day, Saturday is a Co-op Conference in Seattle WA, Sunday I get to spend with my sister & brother-in-law & twin baby nieces up in Burlington WA, and then Monday is travel again. Adam arranged his work schedule to take off Friday and Monday so he could be full-time dad for four days. Yup - I'm going alone.
I've never been away from Simon for more than about 10 hours in one stretch - and never overnight. I didn't realize how hard it would be.
I recently borrowed the trilogy of His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman from a friend. In these books there are different worlds, and in many of the worlds people have daemons. The daemons are animals, but also part of the soul of the human. They are intimately connected, and if a human dies, his or her daemon dies almost instantly as well. When a human and a daemon are forcibly separated, or severed, each feels a deep physical pain that doesn't lessen with time. They aren't whole without each other.
In one scene of the final book, a character has to leave her daemon on shore while she boards a boat to travel to another world. The description of the pain and sorrow is heartwrenching.
Tomorrow I'm supposed to get in my car and drive to El Paso, and then to fly to Seattle. Leaving my child, a part of my soul, here at home. I'm a mess already tonight - when Adam took Simon to put him to bed I felt like I was never going to see him again. I don't know how I'll find the strength to drive away, while Simon & Adam wave from the porch.
I feel broken. Incomplete.
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