Sincerity, Solidarity, and Freedom to Feel

I keep thinking about the Virginia Tech shootings & vacillating about whether or not to write anything. I spoke with my friend Tyler today about it...and he helped me feel validated about my flip-flopping emotions. I'm not going to try to theorize or analyze anything about the shootings, but I'm going to write through some of my totterings.

One of my former roommates and dearest friends, Amy, is a grad student at Virginia Tech. When I first saw the news report my stomach plummeted and I genuinely feared for her life. I had been on the phone with my spouse as I got online that day, and when I saw the headlines I abruptly hung up on him to call my friend. To my relief, Amy answered the phone almost immediately. We were able to talk for a long time, and her unshakable faith and groundedness served to assure me immeasurably.

Thinking for 30 seconds or so, prior to her answering the phone, that my dear friend might be in danger or hurt or gone from me forever in this life...it affected me more deeply than I initially realized.


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It's a little more difficult than I thought it would be to move beyond that thought. When Tyler called tonight to check in with me, I didn't initially realize I needed checking in with. But it's really impossible to remain unaffected when something strikes so close to home. Tyler validated my feelings, and reminded me that it's okay to be affected by something that hits close. Not only do I have a dear friend there at Virginia Tech, but I plan to be a student again soon, so I could see myself in the situation. It would be strange to remain unaffected when confronted with imminent mortality – of self or a dear friend.

When I was journaling about this last night I realized that it might be selfish of me to feel such relief at knowing that Amy was unaffected. Her individual life is worth more to me than 33+ anonymous lives, and I feel a little guilty about my ego-centrism, but it doesn’t serve me well to be dishonest with myself. When I talked to Tyler tonight we spoke of this too...we can feel deeply about the people dying of AIDS and hunger and violence all over the world, but until it strikes close to home we still maintain – and must maintain – some distance. If we truly grieve for every unjust death in the world, we'd never get off the floor.

That's something I never understood about Buddhism, and bodhisattvas in particular. If a person feels for every sentient thing, wouldn't she or he always be in the depths? Wouldn't you find it impossible to get up and face the world day after day? The tragedy would kill you...so to speak. I guess we have to move on to the second noble truth to answer it - let go of attachment. I'm digressing into territory I don't know enough about to justify my digression, but I didn't make any promises of clarity.

With all the media & emotional reactions to the VT shootings, I'm reminded time & again of the 9-11 attacks. In the week of initial reactions to 9-11 everyone suddenly had American flags and mourned in solidarity with the victims & their families. Suddenly it wasn't patriotic to keep going with life and remain unaffected - the expectation was that our whole country was deeply wounded, and we couldn't just pick up and move on.

Personally, I didn't even know what the twin towers were before 9-11. My family traveled a lot across the continental states, but we never went to New York. It's always been a little intimidating to me - almost a foreign country. When I heard about the 9-11 attacks, I was affected only slightly. As the story unfolded and I heard more & more about the horror, and saw images replayed time & again, it hit me harder. Still, though, it wasn't something I felt in my heart & soul. Unlike this. Because it hit close to home.

The flip side of my emotional reaction, for 9-11 as well as this week’s VT shootings, is that I'm rather annoyed. I was horrified from the first moment I saw the news, but now it seems like the "hype" about the tragedy has become its own energetic movement. (NOTE: This is different from being annoyed at the tragedy itself. The tragedy is a tragedy, not something with which to be annoyed.) Suddenly everyone is changing their MySpace & Facebook profile pictures to black ribbons with "VT" scrawled across them. How many of those people actually are connected to it? Amy is one such person, and it seems completely appropriate for her to post a black ribbon & her school initials in solidarity - and also as part of her personal & spiritual acknowledgement & process. But what about the people who are across the country, or who don't know anyone at Virginia Tech, or who aren't even in college? Has "solidarity" with the VT community become a hyped-up sensational reaction? Like patriotism & waving an American flag after 9-11, is it now a "requirement" to be a Hokie? Are we automatically labeled "un-American" if we don't wear maroon & orange?

My intention is in no way to judge or condemn people for their external reactions. Everyone's sincere response is legitimate - regardless of how much "sense" it makes. I believe that someone in New Mexico with no ties to Virginia Tech (or who didn't even know VT existed prior to April 16^th, 2007) can experience genuine solidarity for the tragedy. My primary interest lies with the social & energetic movement that begins in response to a momentous event such as this. I am curious about the life & vitality of the movement itself, and I also wonder how, within that movement, we ‘live and move and have our being.’ It’s similar to mob mentality, wherein there’s a kind of “group-mind” overpowering any particular individual’s mindset. Do we become less individually authentic when we are caught up in a movement, or is the whole greater than the sum of its parts and we’re more authentic when we are united in solidarity?

Another angle that troubles me is in the political realm. Maybe I've read too much, or been let down to often when people have appeared sincere, but the cynical, rational and emotionally detached portion of my brain also wonders "who profits from the hype?" (NOTE: This is very different from wondering who profits from the tragedy. I’m not a conspiracy theorist and I’m not interested in exploring the motives & process of someone causing such horror.) I've read a few articles about George W. Bush's reaction, remarks and presence at VT's memorial convocation. Some of the articles were not too subtle about the politics involved in a presidential reaction to a momentous event. In a FOX News article it said upcoming presidential candidates are displaying messages of condolences on their campaign Web sites. In a CNN article it said how important a presidential reaction (or lack thereof) can be. Credit was given for Bush's reaction to 9-11 and to Clinton's reaction to the Oklahoma City bombing. Criticism was strong for Bush with regard to his "sluggish response" to Hurricane Katrina. These things are what can make or break a political re-election campaign.

Is it legitimate or respectable for a president or presidential hopeful to take a horrific event and allow it to become a political platform? Is there a way to gauge sincerity of expression? I genuinely have no idea.

In subsequent conversations with Amy, Tyler, and also with my spouse, we came to a conclusion of sorts: It can't be any other way. Part of the scary thing about our country is also part of what makes it wonderful - we can't damn people for their thoughts or their feelings. No person can be arrested for thinking about doing something violent, and while it ties the hands of the authorities to prevent it, is there another alternative?

I'm a Christian, so this line of thinking brings up thoughts of "sins" in the Bible - and the 10 Commandments. What do I make of words like "You shall not covet...?" Doesn't that speak to thoughts & feelings, not actions? Perhaps it's lost in translation to me, but this is sticky terrain. Perhaps the sticky part about it is simply when people empower themselves to judge another’s thoughts & feelings instead of leaving it up to the Divine Omnipotence. Whether from a religious or a political angle, there's not a whole lot anyone can do about the way someone else is thinking or feeling.

No one has the authority to lock up potentially dangerous people before they are actually guilty of doing anything.
No one has the authority to stop a person from portraying insincere solidarity for an ulterior motive.
No one has the authority to judge another person's thoughts, feelings or desires and claim to know that he or she is "saved to heaven" or "damned to hell."

If prevention is unavoidable then the important thing becomes the response. Amy stated it about as earnestly as possible: by “praying that GREAT beauty will be multiplied from this great tragedy.”

I think that’s about as perfect a prayer as I could hope to come up with.