Where To Begin?

I've been a stay-at-home mom for over 3 1/2 years. Part of the time I was employed but did the work from home. Prior to getting pregnant my jobs were diverse & hard to classify - mostly I was in service to communities via AmeriCorps, A*VISTA, or church programs, but almost always with non-profits.

Now my kids are old enough to easily leave with babysitters, and my older one will be in preschool starting this fall. I'm settled in my new house, my neighborhood, my psyche. I'm ready to branch out and find something to engage my creativity & abilities outside of just the home & kids.

The problem is that I don't know where to begin. I've had diverse experience and I have diverse interests & abilities, so I don't know how to categorize myself or narrow the field of what I might even look for.

In no particular order, I have experience and/or a passion for the following:

• natural parenting
• cooperatives
• organic gardening/cooking/eating
• community organizing
• herbal medicine/natural health organizing as well as in practice
• customer service
• being a waitress
• being a self-driven secretary, including writing/editing a monthly newsletter
• natural pregnancy/labor/birth, including working with a midwife & doula, home birth, water birth, sharing birth stories, nurturing a community of women, dispelling fears
• making my own baby food
• knitting
• making cards
• political & social justice action
• LGBTQ advocacy
• writing, proofreading, editing
• music - anything related to piano playing, singing and choirs
• house & commercial cleaning, primarily with all natural/non-toxic cleaning products
• the world of church & organized religion, primarily with CRC in the past and UCC now
• working with/on a board of directors
  

I'm sure there are several other categories and I'm sure I'm not at all unique. Most people have diverse interests & abilities. My challenge is trying to narrow any of it into a field that I'm interested in actively looking toward for employment -- or even simply a creative engagement for myself. I don't know how to sell myself if I can't even focus on one area of my interest & ability. If I choose one field it forces me to pass by the others which I tend to be unwilling to do.

So what do YOU do? What tips do you, my friends & family, have for me? How did you narrow your field of interests & abilities to seek out something to keep you busy? Or did you wait for something to find you? I'm starting to become restless but I don't know where to begin.

Day After Inauguration

I can't help but think about W...how must it feel to be him today? What a sense of relief...and probably some depression...and anxiety...and boredom? Can you imagine the psychological, emotional, physical letdown? To be President of the USA one day and the next day...to be a former President of the USA? And one who was (and is) highly despised. I have very little, if anything, positive to say about his administration but I can't help but think that he's only human too. It's got to be hard to be hated, and bid farewell with such relief that he's gone.

Written January 7, 2009...Posted June 16, 2010

Something's going on and I can't figure it out. I'm having a very "Anne Lamott" time in life right now...so I'm trying to experience it through her humor & faith by listening. Maybe I'll even write stuff out and stick my note in my "God Box" or my glove box for the gnomes. If you don't know what I'm talking about you need to read Traveling Mercies, Plan B, and/or Grace Eventually.

But I notice that I keep trying to escape. With every moment I'm turning to distractions: movies, internet (especially Facebook), chocolate, coffee, wine or beer...all sorts of junk and busyness that I can easily justify but are only healthy in moderation if at all. I don't know where this is going to get me (or even if I'll post it at all...it's more of a journalistic "thinking as I write it out" kind of cathartic experiment) and I'm feeling the gravitational pull toward chocolate and a drink, but I'm going to go with it for a bit. Even though I should be planning/prepping dinner. But that's another symptom...I'm avoiding all my "normal," practical responsibilities too. I'm definitely trying to work something out. If only I could figure out what it is...

I'm reevaluating many of my assumptions and expectations, especially about houses. My soul is crying out for a little less pushing & hurrying, a little more space & time. I'm realizing that since moving back to Grand Rapids I've been more or less trying to recreate for my children the life I lived as a child in Grand Rapids. I had a great childhood, so this isn't a bad thing. However, I've failed myself in terms of really checking in and making sure it's what I truly WANT for the next phase of life. Do I want to re-live the last 30 years, but as the adult this time? I'm not sure. Ack - it just hit me - am I having a midlife crisis? Perhaps. But I feel that it's more of a realization that I could GET TO crisis if I don't slow down & check in before making a rushed & less honest decision.

I need some chickens. Or a goat. Definitely a compost pile and a place to grow things. A corner of property that's truly wild and beckons to me and the kiddos to explore, because there truly are things there to discover and NOT just manicured lawn. I don't actually want farm animals personally, but I'd like it if I had some neighbors who did. I'd like farms or open fields or forest (or desert?!) to be much closer to my home than malls & office buildings.

There are several things I love about being in a larger city again, but there's a spirit of wildness in me that cries for space. I may not literally need to live in a more rural place in order to feel peacefully at home here, but I'm going to explore that option.

What else might I be stuck about though? And how do I discover it? Must I fast from all my distractions?