Many Faces of Evil

It's currently 3am.

I wonder if there actually is a devil, a Satan, who interferes in the lives of individuals in very subtle and very real ways. Ways like sleep prevention.

Tonight is a little different, because I actually crashed early (9:30, maybe?) but on the couch. Around midnight when my husband woke me up to go to bed, I groggily brushed my teeth & got into pajamas, but have remained unable to fall back asleep.

My brain is busy, my body will not stay relaxed. I've been reading the Harry Potter books, as you might have noticed by my "current input" list. Tonight I finished book 6, which is the last one till 7 comes out in a month or so. And since I can't jump into the next book yet, I'm spending my time tonight in bed thinking about the books & what might occur in the final installment. Sheesh. It is a compelling series, but it's not worth the energy I'm investing in it. I remember when my sister got into reading the HP books, and then when my husband did, and I was really irritated b/c they effectively shut everything else that is vital life out until they were done reading. I, too, became what I resented.

But Harry Potter is only a fraction of what's been running through my brain.

Not only have I not been reading anything to nurture my soul, but I've been only minimally keeping up with housework and other "home" responsibilities...following up on necessary phone calls and the like.

I've got a meeting with my spiritual director in just under 7 hours. Normally this is cause for me to anticipate with joy a great discussion, but tonight I'm haunted by the fact that I'm spiritually deficient. I've been wholly focused on trying to medicate myself to sleep, reading Harry Potter, and doing all the work required for my church & co-op deadlines.

Also, there is a really big cockroach in the middle of the room. I trapped it under a plastic cup with daisies painted on it. Every now & then I think I hear something going "click clickety click" and I just know the cockroach is scuttling around forcefully enough to tip over the cup, thus freeing itself and proceeding to recklessly procreate in my closet so the spawns of its loins take over my house. But I'm so convinced that cockroaches can't be killed that I'm not sure how to even try.

And I need a shower. And I really need to follow up with the contractors who might do some work on our house, or at least might be able to refer me to someone who can. I have to get stuff ready for Simon for Monday when he starts his toddler program. I have to pick up all the styrofoam peanuts that are all over the backyard. Again. I don't know how it happens, but at least every few weeks we have peanuts all over the yard again. Where do they come from? Really? If there's one thing that I think is the devil manifest through the efforts of humankind it's styrofoam peanuts. They are truly evil. I have to do dishes. I have to get the bulletins over to church before Sunday morning. I have to grocery shop - we have no food in the house. It smells like rain, and I've got an entire clothesline full of 3 or 4 loads of clean, supposedly drying, laundry. I should send back the Netflix movie I watched the other night. I need to see about getting some sort of DVD player cleaner, or buy a new one.

And on and on and on. Do you see how pointless and unceasing my mental flood is?

In the Newsweek magazine I was reading, I found a quick "Spring Health" advertisement called "Good Night - And Good Luck" by Jo Cavallo.

A few quick highlights: "some 40 million Americans suffer from chronic sleep disorders, and 20 million more have occasional bouts of disrupted sleep."

"Other tips that can help you get more Zs:

• Avoid daytime naps.
• Don’t have caffeine after lunch.
• Avoid exercising within six hours of bedtime.
• Schedule time during the day to deal with things that are making you worry.
• Maintain a regular schedule for meals, medications and other activities, in order to keep your body clock running smoothly."

So...lots of people share my situation, and the solution is to try to maintain a healthy schedule? Not incredibly helpful. Especially when I seem to have the opposite reaction to things like caffeine or sleep aids. Or when it might be another instance of sin in the world.

I don't really know what I think about sin/evil/Satan. I deliberately don't spend much time thinking on it. It's not like I ignore it, or think there's no such thing, exactly...more like I just don't feel like spending time on something that doesn't seem worth it to me. It seems more important to spend my energy on trying to listen for God in my experience, and to follow the promptings of the Spirit of Truth. But I'm obviously not doing this in my life right now, which is why I'm not sure about my meeting with my spiritual director in just over 6 hours. Not like I'll get graded for poor performance or anything, but I feel a little embarrassed at myself.

So here I sit, four minutes of four in the morning, and I'm wondering whether evil is most prominently in my life through styrofoam, cockroaches, or the fact that I'm awake to be able to think about them.